HARRIET WADHAM: London Film and Comic-Con 2013 (or, ‘I Have Returned from My Lengthy Hiatus to Bring You Something You’ll Barely Understand Anyway’)

The sun was concealed behind layers of merciful cloud that morning. I’d prayed that it would remain that way for the whole day, but as anybody would be able to guess, it was not to be so. There was a lot of business in the early hours: zippers being pulled up, makeup being applied and in particular, cosplay essential- wigs being meticulously adjusted and done up. Nobody wants their wig to slip off in the middle of a convention.

Our daring troupe ran down to the bus station, amidst laughs and/or confused stares from the people milling around in Yeovil at quarter-to-eight in the morning, making it in a good amount of time to where we were to meet the rest of our convention group, quite aptly named ‘Geek-fest’ by the organiser. I also discovered that Harry, one of the other guys coming along with us, was going to be Deadpool for the day. I found this to be awesome, and we both ended up talking about comics a lot. My own cosplay was a heavy pink dress, complete with an apron, petticoat, long socks and a long pink wig. Needless to say, I almost fried - not such a good idea, as it turned out that there were virtually no cosplayers from my fandom (this being Hetalia. Jon vaguely knows, I know, Lars doesn’t want to know)! It was probably made worse by the fact I was doing an alternate universe cosplay. I really need to rethink my strategies.

The main amount of cosplayers were from Homestuck. If you don’t know what that is, then here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homestuck). If you hate reading things that never seem to end, don’t read Homestuck. If you hate reading altogether then get off this whole website, because there are an awful lot of things to read when it comes to the CFZ!

Anyway, we ended up chilling out with a lovely group of Homestucks, whose cosplays were amazing and totally inspiring, and they were such friendly people. Yes, there are horned grey people. There is also a heartwarming display of self-esteem from Tavros. Can you guess who he is?
 The painful thing was that in the morning I was considering wearing my stuff from Homestuck but  went ahead with the whole Hetalia thing. Please excuse me while I internally berate myself for not seeing what the best decision would have been.

Oh,
but there’s some charm to being at a convention. I think the highlight, for me, was standing on one of the balconies at the side of the ExCeL center and watching, momentarily, all the people milling about. It was like a wonderfully busy ant colony. I then saw a group of Deadpools dancing about, which was highly entertaining. The worst part was when I saw Slenderman. I have a fear of that thing. AND I AM CONVINCED I’M NOW ON HIS HIT LIST. THERE’S NO HOPE FOR ME ANY MORE.

I, unexpectedly enough, didn’t buy a lot. That’s because I only brought £20 with me, and then bought a little Wolverine plushie, a poster, some badges and a mobile phone charm of Miku Hatsune, and the plushie was ridiculously overpriced, but I have been after him for far too long now. He is small but majestic, which carries on the legacy of Wolverine quite beautifully. As I type, I am snuggling him. Next up, Thor….

One negative thing that has happened was my poster being mercilessly squashed. I have no idea who did it but it certainly was not me. Oh, the inhumanity! For the time being, it’s being professionally pressed back into shape under two books, one big box and my laptop, which is on top of the big box.

Anybody else who has ever had as much fun at a convention as I have will know exactly what I am talking about when they read the words ‘post-con depression’. At this point in time, it’s hitting me hard! So I find that the easiest way to battle this is to plan another cosplay. Expect a Peter Pan costume from me within the next few months.

Here’s a funny story: Whilst journeying around with the Homestucks, we managed to get uncomfortably close to Slenderman again. I was worried for my existence, especially after dear sweet Slendy’s head literally snapped around to stare at me. I wasn’t hard to miss. I then asked a Kankri cosplayer (shh) if we could abscond and Kankri then blew on his unique little whistle, yelling “Trigger warning! Everybody abscond!”

We did abscond indeed, because everyone is lovely like that.

I also narrowly evaded a claustrophobic situation when on the way back Geek-fest were going to go in the lifts to get down to the train station and I realised that the lifts were going to be crammed with people. Fortunately, Harry-Pool took us down the stairs instead.

How awe-inspiring it was on Saturday, though - so many amazing costumes, kind people, and photographs being taken. The most motivating cosplay was this - I am reliably informed that she was the Queen of Hearts from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, and I heard her saying that it took her 6 months to make. The price? Ten grand. If that doesn't show how dedicated and brilliant some people are, I don’t know what does.

So to all of the people out there who also went to LFCC: I hope you had a wonderful time because I know I certainly did. If you know anybody in the pictures, please tell me! I would love to be able to credit them!
By the way, do you hear something? It is the sound of writer’s block shrivelling up and dying.
I think I needed to go to Comic-Con more than I realised.

CFZ PEOPLE: Harriet Wadham

Happy Birthday, my dear

HARRIET WADHAM: Weird Weekend 2011 Part One

STRANGE EVENT 2011.
I MEAN, WEIRD WEEKEND 2011 PART ONE.

If you were at a lecture and someone asked the audience, ‘What do you think cryptozoology is?’, and some funny person stood up and said something along the lines of, "I’d say it’s where you conjure up demons and dabble in the occult!" would you laugh or be worried?

Well, we laughed.
Because that was Ronan.
And Ronan has a knack for saying funny things like that.

I’m sorry to say I was only able to go to the Weird Weekend for one day: the Saturday. But I must say: that Saturday was one of the most hilarious Saturdays of my life! Packed full of jokes, Yamaha crimps, and funny, strange, and yet pleasing surprises.

DAD AND BUGS AND STUFF LIKE THAT

I attended my dad’s talk, as you do, because if you don’t then you get disowned. I’d seen the movie before but not with the music and I was all, “WOW DAD YOU’RE SO AWESOME.” And everyone in the audience was all, “WOW NICK YOU HAVE CLIPS OF GIANT BUGS THERE.”
And Lily was all, “Well done, dad. You know how to use Movie Maker.”

Ungrateful little-

I laughed! I stared! I facepalmed!

*note* Laughing at the assumptions of movie producers, staring at the creations of movie producers, facepalming at the epic fails of movie producers.

I get that it seemed like a good idea to make a GIANT BUG film at the time, but I’m a woman of science and so I hate it when people do stupid stuff and fail to take into account that it’s not possible.

Ahem.
A woman of far-fetched occurrences that are both theoretically and scientifically possible. hee hee…
Can I tell you one thing that confused some and amused others? That worried many and disappointed a handful?
Yes? Good. When dad said, "It wouldn’t be crypto without a bit of crypto."
WHUUUT-

My sister and I were both interested to hear that phobias come from the survival instincts of when we were just cavemen and cavewomen. However, when questions time came around, I was really confused upon hearing my mother’s bamboozling comment about Cyril the Hong Kong centipede. Can someone please explain to me what she was on about? Please? No? Ah well.

To summarise, I discovered I have a long-lost brother who looks just like my sister (hair wise). John and Lily both had the same hair style and hair colour, much to the amusement of Jon (not to be confused with my ‘brother’ John), who thought that my sister was sitting where John was and that John was sitting next to me and Mum.

So, I have a new sibling.

Do you know what made me really happy at the end of the talk, though? Mum saying, "Girls, after this we can have a pot noodle each."

Yum noodles.

Just because I can, I’m going to do these in parts again. So, thank you for wasting your time reading my blog and I hope you’re excited for the next one!

HARRIET WADHAM: Hate

I know that this piece is off-topic, but Harriet writes so remarkably for a young lady of her age, that I want to share her writings with you.

You know, there’s a girl that I’ve made friends with at my school. She’s absolutely lovely, though I won’t put her name down here. Instead, let’s call her… Mandy. So ‘Mandy’ is a great friend and I’d do anything for her.

Ufortunately…

There’s another girl at my school who is very, very mean. Let’s call her Carmen. So ‘Carmen’ is really mean to ‘Mandy’. Why? ‘Mandy’ and I reckon that she’s jealous of my friend’s ability to draw amazingly. However, ‘Carmen’ just doesn’t give up! In fact, I saw her at the park yesterday. *shiver*. The moment I walked past, she and her cronies began sniggering and whispering something. Not to be paranoid, but I’m sure it was about me. Who cares, though? I don’t give a monkey’s what she says. So here’s a little something dedicated to that very person…

You think it’s cool
To snigger and stare
But do you know the meaning
Of good friend?
You were friends with her once
She was happy
And so were you, too.
One thing I have to ask is
What went wrong between the two of you?
She’s suffered harsh insults,
False accusations
From nearly everybody
Did you start this?
Or did they already hate her?
But all good things must evidently come to an end
As you have so kindly demonstrated
The rose withers
As its blood red petals fall
The rose is named ‘your friendship’
So tell me, what went wrong?

LILY AND HARRIET WADHAM ON THE RADIO AND IN THE NEWS

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-somerset-12380937
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p00dm3qd/BBC_Somerset_Breakfast_07_02_2011/

(Roughly 1 hour and 20 mins in).

HARRIET WADHAM: An extremely random book review of Animal Farm

At our school we have a study centre. It’s actually our librarybut it’s called the study centre because you can do more than just read.

I had the great fortune to come across a copy of Animal Farm. I’ve finished it now and am onto Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, but that’s another book review to be written later on. Anyway, the book reminds you of man’s cruelty to beast and how sometimes we can underestimate other people; for instance, when Jones, the animals’ tyrannical owner, misjudges his animals’ capability of overthrowing him they kick him out onto the streets. This is mostly Jones’s fault for getting drunk, conking out and waking up to the sound of his animals gorging themselves on the food he forgot to give them.

After the now free animals kick him out, they resolve to bring in the best harvest the farm had ever seen, and they succeed, naturally.

They aspire to do all sorts of new things, the likes of which the farm has never seen - but alas! The plans are peed on by Napoleon, a child of the superior breed of pigs! However, none of the other animals know it was Napoleon. The reason I wrote, ‘superior breed of pigs’ is that the pigs fashion themselves as the leaders of the animals, due to their superior intelligence. At the head of all this is Snowball, the lead pig, who slaves away at those designs, only to have them urinated on by Napoleon. The pigs have previously taught themselves to read and write out of an old spelling book of Jones’s children, so as to make sure everything runs smoothly on the farm.

In a nutshell, George Orwell has spun a tale of deceit, lies, triumph and betrayal that really makes you think about the actions of the human race. I for one know that animals have feelings like humans do. But do you?

Probably.

HARRIET WADHAM: Meece and Holidays

My dad is a gardener and you know the way gardeners like to tip their compost bins upside down? Well… he did this and out of the flying particles of rotting apples a full-grown mouse mother scampered off to leave her children to dad. Dad has done this before once and the mice were actual pink, furless newborns. Sadly, none of them made it and Dad felt very depressed, as did all of us. But this time the mice he found had fur and as their eyes were still closed they would be more comfortable when their eyes did open as this following piece of mouse logic suggests....

Big thing comes with eyedropper. Eyedropper has drink. Big thing comes with cotton bud. Cotton bud has food. Eat and drink. Feel satisfied. Go and snuggle with others.

Therefore, when we witnessed the mice’s eyes opening it was very sweet as they scampered around Dad’s hand and followed the mouse logic. Now they have a big tank all to themselves with a little warm hidey-hole. The furniture consists of cardboard tubes fashioned into ladders and tunnels and newspaper shavings, which have soya-based ink so it doesn’t harm the mice, which are lactose-intolerant. We used to feed them with a cotton bud but they’ve gone on to solids so now they just nibble on the raisins and nuts we drop down the hidey-hole. Unfortunately my sister and brother keep arguing over the name of one of the mice. Lily calls him Frodo and Henry calls him Chubby. I call him Frodo too so I don’t quite know why Henry doesn’t give up. It might be because he’s seven. I don’t know. I don’t know! I just don’t know. Ah yes, and we call them meece for some strange reason.

We were on holiday for most of this week and I am writing this blog about an hour after we got back. During our holiday we spent about an hour watching The Sarah Jane Adventures and I didn’t time it on my watch otherwise that would be just strange. Anyway, a summary would be swimming pool, playing Pool, arcade and making a holiday film on Mum’s laptop. It will be on here the moment it is finished! Actually, that would probably upset the space-time continuum and bring a paradox crashing down on us as the theory of time travel is light years out of our grasp. For people who didn’t understand a word I just typed (and that includes me), we wouldn’t feel very happy. I used Windows Movie Maker and there are a couple of clips in SLOW-MO. There’s one of Henry saying "…is the caravan we didn’t expect to get." In SLOW-MO. There’s another of Henry talking about his room in SLOW-MO. Most of the ones with Henry in are in SLOW-MO. It’s because he’s got a SLOW-MO voice. It works well in SLOW-MO.

Anyhoo, here is a piece of news I feel I should bring to your attention. At last year’s Weird Weekend some of the raffle prizes were SASQWATCHES. Or however you spell that word. And I crossed my fingers all the way through hoping for a SASQWATCH. Did I get one? No. So humph to all you lucky people who got a SASQWATCH.

Humph.

Humph humph.
Humph humph humph humph humph humph humph.

HARRIET WADHAM REPORTING: Meet Lars Thomas

Readers - I, Harriet Wadham, roving reporter for the Weird Weekend, interviewed Lars Thomas the hair analysist (and more besides that), to bring you vital pieces of information…
Name: Lars Thomas
Connection with the Weird Weekend: He met Jon in London 15 years ago. They were good friends and as a result, around 6 or 7 years ago he got a letter asking if he would talk at the third Weird Weekend.
Why he began doing things for the CFZ: Lars is a zoologist and Jon wanted him to identify the hair samples. Lars also has fun around CFZ personnel.
Favourite cryptozoological author: Karl Shuker as he finds new stories all the time and travels to find subjects and sightings.
When his interest began: Lars was given money to buy some books at the book stall and a book about the Loch Ness Monster particularly caught his eye. After reading this he began to buy more cryptozoological books.
Most fascinating place his interest has taken him: Belize- scattered with Mayan ruins and spread with rainforests. Folklore was also based around the jungle.


That was your vital information. What?? It’s not disappointing! ...is it?

HARRIET WADHEM REPORTING: Richard Freeman Ahoy

For those of you who wish for me to provide some insight into cryptozoological lives, I very kindly decided to interview one Mr Richard Freeman. Hi, Richard! Yes, this is all about you so I hope you enjoy it. If I do a Rita Skeeter on you then don’t worry; it’s all part of my business....

Name: Richard Freeman
Connection with the Weird Weekend: Involved ever since he began playing the role of zoological director
Why he began doing things for the CFZ: He was involved in 1994 on Bodmin Moor. He had a museum break and spied the magazine Animals & Men. Eventually, Richard started articles for the magazine. He was that good he became the Yorkshire representative; afterwards Freeman took a full-time CFZ job which leads him to where he is now.
Favourite cryptozoological author/s: Janet and Colin Bord
Cryptozoological interest: The Doctor Who 1970s monsters were deemed scary, even more so because of the fact they were on Earth. Richard took note of this, but instead of thinking of imaginary monsters, real ones entered his mind instead.
Most amazing place interest has taken subject to: Mongolia to track down the Mongolian deathworm. Huge deserts were spread out in front of the group; some rocky places were scattered around. Richard was struck by how alien and unfamiliar it seemed.

HARRIET WADHAM REPORTING: More on Australian Big Cats

EDITOR'S NOTE: At the 2009 event Harriet met Neil Arnold and bought his two CFZ Press books. Neil was forced to cancel his 2010 WW appearance due to work commitments, although he has said that he will do his best to get to the 2011 event. Harriet is still not placated, and continues to berate poor Neil. If she is like this at 11, God help some poor lad in ten years time LOLOL

Now to inform those such as Neil Arnold (I’m talking to you again!!) just what was relayed to the spectators of the Australian Big Cats lecture…

As the lights dimmed and the first slide came up on the projector, the sound of what Rebecca afterwards identified as a cougar growl echoed around the lecture theatre. She introduced her talk and then the next slide appeared - a family-friendly warning, letting it be known that during the presentation there would be films that would make some people uncomfortable or that parents may not want to let their young children see. I don’t think there were any young children or any squeamish people in the audience; however, the warning wasn’t wasted on anyone because we could be prepared for a bit of gore, such as the videos of the big cat prey.

A film that particularly startled me was one of some extremely badly mauled sheep. The sheep pictured in the film had the top part of its jaw chewed off and its tongue was dry from having had no roof over it. Sceptics, where’s your proof that big cats AREN’T in Australia? It couldn’t have been mauled by a pack of wild dogs as they usually all gang up on one animal, and the corpse would have been scratched and bitten all over. This big cat was interrupted during its feasting, which was why only the sheep’s muzzle was chewed. After filming, the injured sheep were put down.

Rebecca commentated on all the videos as they were playing, giving the facts to us so we could see the scenario clearer; also she told us about people she had had a conversation with about Australian big cats; during these the other person gave their opinion about the subject at hand. So, Neil Arnold, here is your summary of an awesome talk. I hoped you enjoyed it and keep reading, fellers!

HARRIET WADHAM: More on Australian Big Cats

EDITOR's NOTE: Harriet was particularly disappointed that Neil Arnold was forced to cancel his WW appearance because of work committments. And like any woman scorned, she will bang on about it till the cows come home! (Bloody Hell that girl will be scary in a few years).

So back to the topic of Rebecca and her big cats; I attended her lecture on big cats in Australia. In fact, I came early so as to bag a front seat as Ruby has proven to be an excessively great friend; also cats are my favourite animals and the subject of big cats has recently begun to pose some great interest for me, therefore I’m eager to learn more. So, it’s lucky that I’m learning from a friend, not least a brilliant one. Now, just to be evil, in my next blog entry I will relate to all those of you who didn’t attend the Weird Weekend the highlights of the Australian Big Cats lecture… Yes, Neil Arnold, I’m talking to YOU.

Keep reading!!

WHEN HARRIET MET THE COLONEL

Weird Weekend 2010
Part three
Now to pepper the famous explorer Colonel John Blashford Snell, president of the Scientific Exploration Society, with well-aimed questions…

Name: Colonel John Blashford Snell
Most proud of: Helping to protect an unknown species of elephant, theorised to be a surviving woolly mammoth. The elephant’s name was Raja Gaj, meaning King Elephant. It was 11’3” in length at the shoulder.
Has been travelling for: 55 years; 37 spent with the army as a royal engineer.
Nowadays we know that any mammoths still surviving quite possibly wouldn’t have remained undetected for this long, or they may not have coped with the climate.

HARRIET WADHAM WRITES...

Weird Weekend 2010

Part one
Well, it was a long trip and I had jelly legs by the time we got there, but it was all worth it! Listening to lectures, interviewing speakers and helping hand out the raffle prizes (wearing, of course, my amazing hat) was just the beginning of the Weird Weekend fun. Over the next couple of weeks I will be continually posting my blogs so keep a look-out!!

HARRIET WADHAM: On TV...Oh yes, and the Weird Weekend

Donning the guise of the hardbitten newshound so familiar from a dozen 1950s movies (we are even looking into getting her a trilby hat with a card saying 'Press') she will boldly go where no other girl reporters dare tread....


On Thursday 29th July, I was filmed for a TV programme on CBBC along with my friend Luke. We were assigned to do lots of strange tasks, such as doing impressions of animals any way we wanted to and more. Another funny thing we did was due to the fact Luke brought over his Nintendo Wii remote; therefore I pretended to be a Mii playing tennis.


So Luke stood there maniacally waving his remote about and I had to run around and bat an invisible tennis ball back to the invisible opposition. Now we don’t have proper tennis rackets at home so I had to make do with a plastic yellow one. The cameraman was called Justin and his associate was called Alex. We had to look at Alex during filming and she told us to "forget about the camera; just pretend it’s not there!" They were both really kind to us if we got a bit nervous and during the first interview Luke started being really funny and random, which definitely depicted his personality. When I had to do animal impressions I re-enacted what I TRULY thought of the badger (ie: ‘*snuffle snuffle* Ha! I am the BADGER, and I will destroy EVERYTHING! I will destroy your fence; I will destroy your door, and everything you OWN!! Wa har har! Mwa ha ha ha! *snuffle snuffle SQUEAK*’) and the horse. My horse impression largely consisted of looking blank, jumping, running and trotting obliviously off.


Now for the Weird Weekend! What, you didn’t think I’d forget THAT, did you? Anyway, I have been assigned by Jon to be the official reporter for the WW 2010 and I’m going to write up my summary of each day in my new official CFZ notepad and my new official CFZ shirt. Here is a picture of me with my notepad. I don’t have the shirt on because Mum just thought of taking the picture at the last minute and I didn’t want to have to trudge upstairs, get changed and trudge back downstairs again. So here is my picture.

I can’t wait to get to the Weird Weekend and start listening to all those talks! They all sound really interesting; I looked them up on the [CFZ] website and I want to attend ALL of them! We’ve got a nice blue tent to sleep in and I will be sure to take my lovely thick sleeping bag, which (I hope) will not fail to keep me warm if it’s cold!!! So if any of you readers are going to be at the Weird Weekend...


See you there!

WEIRD WEEKEND 2010 LATEST NEWS

* We have just heard from Sharon - the Sunday morning fried breakfast will be back and (just to please Jon and disgust his vegetarian wife) there will be black pudding

* Nick and Kara Wadham will be doing the animal handling for the first time. They will have a display of their animals from Yeovil Bugfest. Just in case you thought the name Wadham was familiar, they are the proud parents of Harriet, the CFZ's favourite young journalist.

* Just in case of rain at the cocktail party we have bought a SECOND marquee.

With less than three weeks to go, now might be a good time to buy your tickets to the best crypto-fortean event of the year....

Buy Your Tickets here

HARRIET WADHAM: Greek Mythology

It is with great pleasure that we welcome back one of my favourite bloggo columnists, Harriet Wadham who at the age of ten is often more erudite than some people that I could mention three or four times her age....



First of all, sorry it took so long to get this blog done! Secondly, time to get started on the topic... of Greek Mythology.


The first tale we are going to get started on today is Zeus. Most of the pictures drawn of him represent him as a white-haired, big-bearded man; however, drawings of Zeus pictured as a young, muscled man do occasionally crop up. Actually, forget the occasionally bit. They just crop up, okay???!!! Zeus has a bit of trouble with his love affairs, though, which really angers his wife, Hera (who we’ll get around to sooner or later). So Hera throws a wobbler, and Zeus gets angry at her for messing up their palace (or whatever gods/goddesses do when they’re in a mood), and begins throwing lightning bolts. Ta da!!! There is your average ancient Greek storm. These happen whenever Zeus gets angry (or just really bored).


Now onto the really famous Titan, Prometheus, who’s our favourite because he gave us fire when the god Jupiter (or Zeus; there are a few stories which say it was Zeus, and a few stories which say it was Jupiter, so let’s stick with him) couldn’t care less about us, and thought that if we had fire and tools and everything then we would rise up against them. So Prometheus vowed to help the humans, and brought them fire from the Sun and taught them how to... well, be more civilised really. Jupiter saw this and decided to make the humans’ lives ten times worse, and created pulchritudinous, perfect, prying Pandora, and her mysterious box, got her married to Prometheus’ brother, Epimetheus, and then she got all curious, opened the box, stopped the evil thingy called Foreboding from getting out, and you know the rest. Then, Jupiter dealt with Prometheus.


He bade his strongest servants go forth and capture Prometheus, then had him chained to a rock and have his liver eaten out by an eagle every day. Ouch. Soon enough, Prom’s buddy Hercules came along, broke his chains, killed the birdie, and all was well la la la.


So as I promised, let’s get to Hera, the last main mythical character I’ll focus on today. She was originally, as some stories say, Zeus’ sister and she fell in love with him as soon as she saw him. (How weird). Another variation is that Zeus seduced her, by way of pretending to be a soggy cuckoo bird sheltering from a storm in her lap, or one of his other Zeus-y ways. She is the goddess of love, watching over relationships and weddings to see they go smoothly, or if a couple are on the point of breakup, she uses all her skills to ensure that they fall in love again.


To conclude my blog, I just want to say thank you to some people:

• Jon Downes, for letting me put blogs on his wonderful website


• All the people who take the time to read my blogs and encourage me to write some more


• My family, for helping me use my noggin and think about what I’m going to write next


• My teacher for unsuspectingly giving me sentence openers and good vocabulary to use in my work for the CFZ blog pages


• And last but definitely NOT least, my mum for taking me to the Weird Weekend and inspiring me to write
  this.

MAX THE CAT 1995-2010 RIP

MAX
1995 – 2010
By Harriet Wadham, 10/04/2010

You were there for the first ten years of my life,
Now as beautiful in death as you were alive -
Giving me strength when I was weak,
Giving me joy when I was upset.
Sprightly young cat,
Healthy old cat.
You nudged me with your warm nose;
As sweet as a kitten,
Loving me like I did you.
My fingers combing through your soft silky fur,
Then cuddling you, kissing your pretty head.
You can never be replaced.
I love you.

HARRIET WADHAM: Here be dragons

Normally on old maps you can sometimes come across the occasional ‘Here be Dragons’ or a picture of a scary-looking dragon. Don’t get all excited because there’s a 95% chance that the map-maker just put it there to fill a boring space. Cartographers used to decorate their maps with pictures of fantastical things, such as gods, dragons, harpies and beasts like that just to make it look more attractive.

There are so many types of dragons that if you were to go on an expedition to hunt one down you may not know where to start! But be warned - there are such things as false dragons! Take, for instance, the Jenny Haniver. The Jenny Haniver is an ugly creature that has been made out of bits of other dead animals, such as chickens, mice and other small things. It is given a dragonish look by using a fish tail, then curling it into coils and curling the side fins over its back.

There are many stories about dragons, and usually they end up with the dragon getting killed and the hero returning triumphant to the cheering on-lookers. However, some stories have a different ending, like the hero dying after he has slain his enemy, or the hero and dragon staying alive. A good example is the story, The Laidly Worm of Spindlestone Heugh.

What happens is an old king (King Ida) is sad and lonely because his wife has just died and his son, The Childe of Wynd is abroad in a war againt the Gauls. Therefore he only has his daughter Margaret for company. After a while Ida decides to go to distant lands to find a new wife. While he is gone he leaves Margaret in charge of his castle and travels far away where lots of women try to get his interest but as they remind him of his wife too much, he ignores them. An evil sorceress noticed that he was rich and powerful, so uses all her charms and spells to make the king love her, and think of nothing but her, so eventually King Ida marries the sorceress and delightedly returns home to Margaret, who is ecstatic and dresses up beautifully before running out to meet her stepmother. A knight who is accompanying the queen exclaims that Margaret is the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Subsequently the queen is vexed and that night she casts a wicked curse upon Margaret, turning her into a laidly (loathsome) worm until her brother returns from his battle; and she is certain he has already been killed. In the morning the maids go to wake her up and upon finding an ugly worm curled up in Margaret’s bed, flee, giving the creature a moment to slip unseen into the countryside, where she cannot see anyone because her breath is so poisonous it kills the land for miles around. Eventually news of the terror of his father’s kingdom reaches The Childe of Wynd, who fearlessly returns and defeating the witch-queen’s obstacles, goes to slay this monstrous entity. Margaret is fearful of her brother also, and try as she might, cannot drive him away. She retreats to her lair in Spindlestone Heugh and coiled around a rock, waits for the prince. When he finds her he lifts his sword and prepares to strike - and the worm lowers her head and says in a small, beautiful voice: "O quit thy sword, unbend thy bow, and give me kisses three, for though I be a poisonous Worme, no harm I’ll do to thee." Wynd is astonished to hear the creature talk but being the bold type, bends and kisses the monster three times. Margaret’s scales fall off and the worm’s body withers away to reveal the pulchritudinous princess. The prince covers her with his mantle and carries her back to the castle where the king is over-joyed at seeing Margaret again. When the witch hears that Childe Wynd has triumphed she runs to her bedchamber but using a rowan twig, the prince counteracts all the witch’s spells back onto her, so she transforms into a large, spitting, warty toad.

I was intrigued to write a blog about dragons because I have a book called The Dragon Hunter’s handbook, which I got for my 10th birthday:

Do you like our hallway? :) Anyway, the next blog I’m doing will probably be about Greek mythological monsters (which I hope you’ll enjoy!!) So that pretty much sums up dragons!

HARRIET WADHAM: Reviewing Dr Shuker's Casebook

When there’s something strange in the neighbourhood, who’re you gonna call? Dr Shuker’s casebook!

At the W.W. 2008, Karl P.N. Shuker made an appearance in the lecture hall; also he allowed people to buy his book, Dr Shuker’s Casebook: In pursuit of marvels and mysteries, and if they wanted he could sign it for them. Of course Mum saw a chance to make me exclaim “Mum! I told you that you should have let me come!” Then again, I got a book signed by Neil Arnold this year, so that was just as brilliant!

I’d say that my favourite section in the whole book is the chapter called ‘Such wonderful things are cats with wings’, probably because I have three lovely cats at home (I’m giving my favourite one, Max, a cuddle while I’m writing this), and because they are the cutest animals on Earth to me. So obviously cats with wings are extra cute. I wish that Max could grow wings, and I’d let him fly around my room! Now that would be cute. Anyway, it’s interesting to know how their wings are formed because sometimes they can have actual bones inside, but sometimes the ‘wings’ can be simple flaps of skin just hanging down loosely by their sides, and will shrink back into their bodies in a short while.

One part, which weirdly I didn’t like to look at when I was a bit younger, was a picture of this weird cabbage-headed alien thing with cucumber-like eyes. I can’t really remember what it’s called. Anyway, I had thought it was a real picture until I actually read the caption underneath it. The picture was a painting or a drawing. So that was rather embarrassing. But I don’t care now. I guess it’s just one of those embarrassing things that aren’t really embarrassing any more.

So it’s thanks to Jon Downes that I’m writing this because if he hadn’t hosted the Weird Weekend, Mum would never have met Dr Shuker, and if she had never met him, I would never have read the book. And if I had never read the book I wouldn’t have written this. Also, if Jon hadn’t hosted the weekend, I wouldn’t have had so much fun this year. See? Logic!

HARRIET WADHAM AT THE WEIRD WEEKEND

In August Jon Downes hosted The Weird Weekend 2009, where people from all over the world gathered for a weekend of weirdness, packed full of lectures on Atlantis, Big Grey Men of Ben Macdhui, and many other interesting subjects.

Now me being ten years of age, I attended the ‘Bigfoot for kids’ lecture, which was held by Paul Vella. It gave me an inspiration to write a book about Bigfoot when I’m older. But then again, I have got about a billion stories running at the moment (at the same time!!), so it might have to wait for quite a while.

The whole lecture was really very interesting; we were granted permission to handle Bigfoot footprints and Paul showed us a famous film of Bigfoot that two men called Roger Patterson and Gimlin captured while on a hunt for one. Patterson and Gimlin were on horseback when they spotted the creature, but Patterson’s horse got a bit frightened and backed away. Patterson hopped off his horse, and began to film Bigfoot. Bigfoot started to get further away, so as we didn’t have zoom lenses on cameras in those days, he had to run after it, which made the film very shaky. Now if it had been a person in a gorilla costume – which is highly improbable - it would have had to be "A very good gorilla costume, because if you look closely, you can see that there are calf muscles on the legs."

Personally, the part of the lecture I enjoyed the most is the part I’ve just gone on about - The Bigfoot film. I was intrigued by the film to do a talk about Bigfoot at the next Bugfest that my parents organise. I hope that I can, anyway. Here is frame 352 from the film of Bigfoot.

In fact, I would definitely go back to the Weird Weekend next year; then again, Mum is already thinking about going back, so I’m guessing I’ve got to! But that’s a good thing, because I enjoyed it IMMENSELY!! I even had my first taste of... CHEESY CHIPS!! They were absolutely scrumdiddlyumptious (As the B.F.G would say)! You can see my monster book in the bottom right corner, behind the flowers. You’ll read about it in a second.

All the lectures were interesting and jam-packed full of information, with lots of slideshows to go with them.

The highlight of my whole weekend was probably meeting an author (Neil Arnold) and getting a book signed (MONSTER! The A-Z of Zooform Phenomena). Then Mum told me that I’d met lots of authors already, but without knowing it! Of course that had made my day, getting a book signed and meeting lots of authors - even though it was obliviously - but I was also happy that I had made new friends, and had so much fun at the Weird Weekend 2009.