Tim Matthews is one of my best friends, and also - coincidentally - one of the most controversial figures in contemporary forteana. He has been involved with the CFZ for nearly a decade now, raising eyebrows wherever he goes.
It takes two months of practice to move from making your first half-decent crop circle, perhaps a 30ft creation that can be made in 15-20 minutes, and something rather more spectacular. I know this because I have done it. Most people who make crop circles do so because they are told, by an increasingly isolated minority of desperados and New Age whackos, that they “cannot be made” at night with a small team of up to four individuals working together. Of course they can and always have been but it amazes me to discover, when for example speaking with work colleagues, how they just don’t get it, at least not to begin with.
If you say to them, “remember at school when you used to make nice patterns with a compass and pencil?” they go “ooooh yes” or “it was easy” and it is as if some amazing revelation has just taken place. Take them outside into the large light industrial area outside with a stick and show them how to mark out a circle using a bit of rope and one of them standing in the middle of the circle and they seem impressed. Tell them that to flatten wheat and make pretty aesthetically pleasing patterns all you need is a four foot stomper board, and that you push the wheat or barley down in the middle for the best results, and they seem to get it.
It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and once crop circles became widely known as a phenomenon from 1980 onwards many teams stepped into the corn to see if they could out do each other in terms of creativity. Although for obvious geometric reasons circles form the backbone of crop art - because it is art and has nothing to do with aliens, a higher intelligence or anything of the sort - triangles, squares and other simple shapes can be combined to impress even the most unhappy observer. Because circle makers opt to put formations near ancient historical and religious sites, or where they have dowsed to see if “natural earth energies” are present all sorts of pseudo religious nonsense is added to what is a simple creative-artistic process. What is more, small number of circle makers see themselves as agents of a higher power just to confuse things further.
The thrill is, of course, not to be caught and to produce a formation that pleases the senses. You, the potential circle maker, are also doing English tourism a massive favour. I remember phoning the former head of south west tourism for an interview many years ago (1999) asking for an interview about the impact of crop circles and he was of the view that crop formations were good for business. Anything to get people into Wiltshire, Hampshire and surrounding counties….
And what harm is done? Let’s just put it like this. Farmers like to moan and groan about crop circles but in some cases they profit from it. They can lower the cutters on their machinery to harvest crops affected by the circle making evil doers and, with prices for crops at an historical low, who’s losing out? The answer is simple. Nobody. You could potentially make more money by charging tourists to trample in the field to examine a crop formation up close than you will for the crop! Some farmers, where crop formations regularly appear, do indeed have a working relationship with some of the better known circle makers. An open secret, as it’s known.
If you really want to wind up the believers, fresh from a Glastonbury bookshop or of Sacred Geometrical Delusion, then why not drop some iron filings near the centre of a formation, paint balloons silver and let them off near your formation or arrange for “anomalous lights” to be seen locally. Even better, sit in a well know circle enthusiasts pub, listen to the conversation for information about the latest “projected formations” no doubt “channelled” by Miss Mystic Of Gurutania and fresh ideas will abound. I remember once talking to a circle maker who’d been for a drink with the local head honcho of a UK CSETI group (the ones that think you can shine torches at supposed UFOs and communicate with them, or that you can hold hands in a circle and wait for the aliens to land nearby). The Big Cheese told him that members of his “meditation group” had “channelled information” indicating that a huge formation would be put down in a nearby field within days. Lo and behold, my friend and his mate, after a few pints, went off into the field with his stomper boards and produced the desired result. Cause and effect! Simple!
Of course, getting used to working at night is not easy at first. Your eyes have to adjust; no wonder you often see strange things out of the corner of your eye (occasionally claimed as Paranormal phenomena). True, there is nothing like being in the fields of England at night. You want peace? You’ve got it! Circle making provides you with the most remarkable feeling of one-ness and, upon completion of your formation (nearly always conveniently located in a natural amphitheatre from where the tourists and croppies can observe), a remarkable feeling of satisfaction. You might not be good at your job but you’re good at this! Now you have a calling and it is in and amongst the sacred sites of England on a beautiful summer’s night.
If you haven’t tried it I suggest you do. Yes, it’s technically illegal so sensible caveats apply but only one man has been thus far prosecuted (our good friend and circle making hero Matthew Williams) and you will quite possibly “find” yourself whilst being amazingly creative. The highlight of the season 2009 might be a series of carefully sculpted Cryptids. The all-new physical graffiti this green and pleasant land…
A recent discovery has been made in Lampasas County, Texas: a large land monster is said to inhabit an open field to the left of Highway 190 West.
Out of deference to the Loch Ness Monster, Richie refers to the Lampasas Land Monster as “Lessie.” True to our photo, Lessie has been reported as having the appearance of a rust-colored serpent with a seahorse-shaped head and emerald green eyes. She has been seen by a surprising number of residents and commuters, and one lady even claims to have walked up and touched her. There is much speculation as to what she could be, the two most popular theories being:
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