In stunning news that not only confirms the existence of the long sought-after Nessie but also the existence of life on other planets, Pharmaceutical giant Dopemol announced today that they had isolated a DNA sequence from a photograph using advanced laser scanning technology that confirmed that the so-called Loch Ness Monster was in fact a Giant Squid (Gigantoteuthis mobiggius) from Jupiter’s moon Europa.
In consultation with Astrophysicist Fuller Bolshetikov, it was deduced that the Nessie DNA was 500 million years old, having traveled through space frozen in a comet ejected from Europa. Photographs from space taken by NASA satellites orbiting Europa have produced images of Nessie-like objects in the oceans of Europa over the last 40 years. With the recently developed DNA Laser Sequencing Image Scanner, a full DNA strand sequence can be quantified from space based on dermal ridges in the image. A chance DNA imaging signature that matched a previous Loch Ness DNA imaging signature was correlated with fossil evidence that indicated that cephalopods native to this planet did not evolve until 300 million years later in the Cetaceous period or Age of Whales.
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