THE SERMONS OF THE REVEREND JONATHAN DOWNES, D.D.
Sermon One
My dear people,
The Lord sends us sweet refreshing rain from his throne on high and it's getting through the church roof.
Therefore, much as it pains me to ask for money, I am constrained by circumstance to do so. You may notice a man with a large club standing by the church door. Nobody gets out without forking out at least a fiver for the Church Roof Restoration Fund.
On Friday the pews were so damp that the cleaning lady, Mrs Furble, took twice as long to clean them. She then approached me and broached the subject of Time and a Half. I fear some contentious words followed, but I feel there was no need, Mrs Furble, to poke me in the eye with your mop.
However, I regret that I then seized your mop and stuck it where I stuck it. Happily the nice people at the hospital were able to get it out again.
Have your fivers ready as you leave the Church. The Lord go with you.
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