OLL LEWIS: Yesterday's News Today

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On this day in 1897 Dracula by Bram Stoker was published.
And now, the news:

Chinese Astronaut Eats Anti-Terror Dog
Snake steals Cannes limelight
Vet says NY dog needs Viagra for heart condition

One day a stray dog started to come into a small village pub in Yorkshire. The dog was always well behaved and became well liked by the locals who would often ply him with bar snacks. After the dog had been visiting the pub for about 10 years he turned up one day with a badly broken tail and the landlord paid to have the animal operated on by a vet. The tail could not be saved and had to be removed to save the dog from further pain. The landlord, being a odd sort of chap, displayed the tail above the bar and from that moment on whenever the dog came in he would look mournfully at his tail before doing anything else. Eventually the dog died and he was buried in the pub’s beer garden.

By chance, on the anniversary of the dog’s death the landlord came back downstairs after closing and saw the ghost of the dog looking mournfully up at the tail as it did in life. The landlord, not quite believing what he was seeing, approached the dog and was even more shocked when it started to speak in perfect English:

“You must reunite me with my tail so that I can be whole again,” The dog’s ghost said.
“I - I can’t do that….” The landlord stuttered.
“All that needs to be done is for my tail to be placed in my grave within the next few hours,” said the dog. “How hard can that be?”
“No,” said the landlord “I can’t do that.”
“Why?” asked the dog.
“Because, retailing spirits after closing time is illegal.” The landlord replied.