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Half a century ago, Belgian Zoologist Bernard Heuvelmans first codified cryptozoology in his book On the Track of Unknown Animals.

The Centre for Fortean Zoology (CFZ) are still on the track, and have been since 1992. But as if chasing unknown animals wasn't enough, we are involved in education, conservation, and good old-fashioned natural history! We already have three journals, the largest cryptozoological publishing house in the world, CFZtv, and the largest cryptozoological conference in the English-speaking world, but in January 2009 someone suggested that we started a daily online magazine! The CFZ bloggo is a collaborative effort by a coalition of members, friends, and supporters of the CFZ, and covers all the subjects with which we deal, with a smattering of music, high strangeness and surreal humour to make up the mix.

It is edited by CFZ Director Jon Downes, and subbed by the lovely Lizzy Bitakara'mire (formerly Clancy), scourge of improper syntax. The daily newsblog is edited by Corinna Downes, head administratrix of the CFZ, and the indexing is done by Lee Canty and Kathy Imbriani. There is regular news from the CFZ Mystery Cat study group, and regular fortean bird news from 'The Watcher of the Skies'. Regular bloggers include Dr Karl Shuker, Dale Drinnon, Richard Muirhead and Richard Freeman.The CFZ bloggo is updated daily, and there's nothing quite like it anywhere else. Come and join us...

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Thursday, April 01, 2010

THE TRUTH ABOUT JON DOWNES REVEALED

Some Sad News…

It is with great sadness now that I release this statement on behalf of the CFZ management.

I sincerely apologise to all the people who I’m sure this announcement will upset but I feel that the CFZ will grow stronger as a result. The truth is that Jonathan Downes does not exist. All these years we have been hiring a character actor named Mimsy Barrowclough to play the role for public appearances but sadly, due to family commitments, Barrowclough has had to resign from the role. He has released a statement via his solicitor for all his fans:

“It is with great regret that I, Mimsy Barrowclough, must resign from my role as Jonathan Downes. I have been forced to do so after my family started to complain that I hadn’t seen them for almost 20 years. I wish my successor in the role every success and will be on hand to offer them advice on how to play the role.”

Deputy director Graham Inglis said:

“When I conceived the CFZ as a small conceptual art project in the early 1990s I had no idea it would become so popular and that we would be in the position to recast the role of Jonathan Downes. Although I’m sure many people will miss the original JD and Mimsy’s fantastic portrayal, I hope that CFZ members are as excited as I am about the prospect of what a new actor will bring to the role.”

Although Brian Blessed, who filled in for Mimsy for three days during the recent Texas Expedition, has been linked to the now vacant role in press speculation, Blessed has poured cold water on the rumours.

“I’M AFRAID I AM RATHER TOO BUSY AT THE MOMENT!” he shouted, “I AM CURRENTLY FILMING FOR A NEW LABOUR PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST, WHICH INVOLVES ME SAYING ‘GORDON’S ALIVE!’ SEVERAL TIMES! UNFORTUNATELY IT IS JUST A CASE OF BAD TIMING!”

There has also been speculation that, as nobody could top Mimsy’s iconic performance as the Director, we will be casting a younger actor or even a woman in the role; other names that have been linked to the part include Paul O’Grady, Joe Pasquale, Peter Andre, Kerry Katona and Wee Jimmy Krankie. I couldn’t possibly ruin the surprise of who the next person to play the role of Jonathan Downes will be, but the Director’s regeneration will be shown in the April 2010 episode of On the Track.

Corinna is distraught

1 comment:

Retrieverman said...

Oh my!

So the guy who performed with the Amphibians was just an actor?!

This is like finding out that Santa Claus isn't real!

My world is shattered.