A few years ago the writer/editors Ann and Jeff VanderMeer were hiking in the woods. It was getting close to Passover and, what with all the Wandering in the Wilderness, the conversation turned to that most Hebraic of topics: "So, what are we going to eat already?" Being the hardened vets of speculative fiction they are, The VanderMeers began wondering about the kashrut, or Kosherness, of various animals from fantasy and legend....
Grilled Mongolian Death Worm MakiServes 6
4-5 lbs. of Mongolian Death Worm meat
2 cups Sushi Rice
2-3 Nori sheets (seaweed wraps)
I Cucumber, sliced into long thin strips
Fresh Mango, diced
First, you will need to de-electrify the creature. The best way to do this is to zap it with a taser (and ignore it if it says, "Don't tase me, bro." It is NOT your bro). If you don't have a taser (and why don't you? It's a dangerous world out there, bubele), you can use static electricity. Simply put on a pair of pantyhose and walk across a carpet, making sure your legs are as close together as possible. Once you've built up enough, touch the thing and hope fully you will see sparks. (Note: this second method is very dangerous. We recommend instead that you just go out and buy a taser.)
Soak it in salt water overnight (this will kill any of the acid residue, we trust). Grill the Mongolian Death Worm in soy sauce until it is nice and tender – there is no way you want to eat this stuff raw. You will notice that the meat shrinks up, which is why you must start out with a large amount in order to have enough once it is cooked. Then cut into small pieces. Place the nori sheet on the bamboo sushi-mat. Spread the rice on top of the nori, not too thick, leaving about an inch on the top and bottom of the nori without any rice. Place a strip of cucumber across the rice, then place the mango and Mongolian Death Worm meat across as well. Make sure the left and right sides are even, Slowly roll up the nori from the bottom, You will have a nice firm sushi roll. Cut into pieces. Serve with sake (preferably chilled), and the daikon and wasabi on the side.