NEIL ARNOLD: IN ROCK: CRYPTO METAL!

I have known Neil for fifteen years now, since he was a mod schoolboy with ambitions for adventure and I was an earnest young hippy who merely wanted to start a club for people interested in unknown animals. Nothing much has changed over the years; we are just both a tad older....

I’ve noticed a few posts on the CFZ bloggo pertaining to songs/albums with references to Cryptozoology, so I thought I’d have a trawl through my huge collection of metal vinyl to see if I could find any… .

As metal is without doubt a music existing on mysticism, especially in the album covers, I was rather pleased to dig out Tank’s oily Filth Hounds Of Hades complete with cover showing a three-headed, salivating Cereberus-type beast), but more impressively Samson’s Before The Storm whose cover depicts a knight in shining armour battling with a huge serpent. Meanwhile, Witch Cross and their obscure album Fit Or Fight depicts several scantily clad ladies being protected from a giant man-bat, an axe-wielding warrior. Of course, thousands of metal covers show strange beasts, but we need to be very strict here, which is why we’re surely allowed Kraken, an obscure metal act from the ‘80s, and also Lady Killer’s self-titled record showing a leather-clad wench holding back a black leopard on a leash. Black Knight’s little known album Master Of Disaster depicts a knight in combat with a dragon. My favourite crypto cover however comes from the wonderfully titled rock ‘n’ roll band Sea Hags, whose self-titled debut features a mermaid on the cover. Spread Eagle were an ‘80s sleaze band and their self-titled album depicted a woman in the talons of a giant eagle, but we may be hard pressed to find album covers, let alone songs pertaining to Bigfoot, Chupacabra and Nessie…mind you, there is Sasquatch, a US band who play a ‘70s style of heavy rock, a late ‘90s hip-hop group called Bigfoot, and we mustn’t forget that’s self-styled Satanist, Glen Benton of Floridian death metallers Deicide, claimed that in 2008 he actually saw a Bigfoot locally! Troglodyte are another heavy band who play what they call “neandercore” and adorn themselves in man-beast masks! The have a bizarre song called ‘Skunk Ape Rape’ about a woman being raped by a bog-dwelling man-beast. There’s also an artist called Evil Adam who has a song called ‘The Jersey Devil’. In 2005 British metal band released an album called Angel Of Retribution, which featured a cut called ‘Lochness’, and there’s a Polish doom band called Loch Ness, and used to also be an Italian metal band called Lochness, whilst the bizarrely named band The Flying Fish Sailors did a heavy metal version of a track called ‘Loch Ness Monster’. Indie band The Xcerts are said to be doing a gig on a boat on Loch Ness to promote their debut album In The Cold Wind We Smile…judging by their music, I hope they get swallowed by the reputed leviathan. And lastly, for now anyway, popular metal act Soil in 1998 released an EP called El Chupacabra, its cover showing the Puerto Rican critter about to liase with a naked lady. but if you do come across any, get in touch.

And here are the lyrics to Judas Priest’s ode to Nessie:

GREY MIST DRIFTS UPON THE WATER
THE MIRRORED SURFACE MOVES
AWAKENED OF THIS PRESENCE
DISPELLING LEGENDS PROOF

A BEASTLY HEAD OF ONYX
WITH EYES SET COALS OF FIRE
IT’S LEATHERED HIDE
GLIDES GLISTENING
ASCENDS THE HEATHERED BRIAR

THIS LEGEND LIVES
THROUGH CENTURIES
EVOKING HISTORY’S MEMORIES
PREVAILING IN ETERNITIES ON AND ON AND ON

LOCHNESS CONFESS YOUR TERROR OF THE DEEP
LOCHNESS DISTRESS
MALINGERS WHAT YOU KEEP
LOCHNESS GROTESQUE MONSTROSITY
LOCHNESS CONFESS TO ME

SOMEHOW IT HEEDS THE PIPER
FROM BATTLEMENTS THAT CALL
FROM SIDE TO SIDE IT PONDERS
IMPASSIONED IN THE SKULL

THIS HIGHLAND LAIR OF MYSTERY
RETAINS A LOST WORLD’S EMPATHY
RESILIENT TO DISCOVERY ON AND ON AND ON

THIS LEGEND LIVES
THROUGH CENTURIES
EVOKING HISTORY’S MEMORIES
PREVAILING IN ETERNITY
YOUR SECRET LIES SAFE WITH ME

THIS CREATURES PERIL FROM DECEASE
IMPLORES TO MANKIND FOR RELEASE
A LEGACY TO REST IN PEACE AND ON AND ON AND ON