A New Venture

This is something I have been thinking about doing for a while. If it works it will be a monthly show on CFZtv, and I am considering licensing it to other web tv stations. What do you think?

Just had a phone call...

...from the lady at NuttyWest to whom my letter (below) was addressed.

Yes I can have a £2000 overdraft guarantee, yes I can have a debit card, yes to everything else I asked for, and the matter of compensation has been forwarded to their customer care division.

But THIS beggard belief. One of the reasons my accounts were colsed turns out to be that there was a "conflict" in my home address....

They had two addrsses for me:

J.Downes
Myrtle Cottage
Woolsery
Bideford
EX39 5QR

and

J. Downes
Myrtle Cottage
9 Back Street
Woolfardisworthy
Bideford
EX39 5QR


The fact that there are two different spellings for my village ain't my fault, and they should have checked out that the postcode was - in fact - the same.

Idiots..

What Jonathan and Corinna did next....

Ms. C. Rarity,
NatWest,
Application Verification Unit,
Younger Building,
3 Redheughs Avenue,
Edinburgh EH12 9RB


27th September 2007

Dear Ms. Rarity,

Thank you for your letter dated 26th September 2007. Whilst we accept your apologies, there are a number of issues that need to be sorted out before we can forget the matter.

1. Reinstatement of lost facilities


Until the unfortunate events of last week, I had the following facilities on my account:

· Debit card and cheque book
· Internet banking
· £2,000 guaranteed overdraft

I would like written confirmation from you that these facilities will be automatically transferred to my new account.

2. Apologies

Whilst, as I stated above, we accept your apologies for having closed our bank accounts, the following issue has not been addressed. Whilst my wife received a letter last Wednesday, telling her that our joint account had been closed, I still have not received any such letter from the Accounts Closure Team. NatWest took it upon themselves, not only to close my account, but to write to various people who were paid by standing order and by direct debit, telling them that these payments had been cancelled, without having the courtesy of informing me of the fact. This, by anybody’s standards, is an appalling breach of professionalism.

The letter to my wife was sent to her old address. If she had not had a re-direction service she would not have received it, although the acceptance letters had been sent to the correct address.

We would like an explanation for this, and a full apology from the Accounts Closure Team.

3. Compensation

These events have caused us an enormous amount of social and financial embarrassment, extra work, and almost unbearable levels of stress. The original letter we were sent (copy attached) was couched in such offensive terms that we were both very upset and traumatised.

We feel that we should receive some measure of financial compensation for this. As you have stated in your telephone call, the whole affair was caused by a wrong decision by the Accounts Closure Team. Under these circumstances, I am sure that you will agree that a mere apology is not enough.

We realise that none of this is your fault, or the fault of anyone else of the Application Verification Team. However, as you have been the only person within the NatWest management who has treated us with courtesy and kindness, we hope that you will forgive us writing to you on this matter.

Best wishes,

Yours sincerely,



Jonathan Downes Corinna N. James

NEWSFLASH!!!!!!!!!!

The bastards have just capitulated! I have a full apology, my bank accounts and my credit reference back.

But what do I do next?

1. Nothing
2. Try for compensation
3. Put my crusader's hat on and fight on behalf of every other poor sod in my position

What would you do????????????

Is it just me, or.....

Did the world used to make some sort of sense? These days, it is just getting more and more surreal.

This morning I got a letter from TwatWest. It said that I was a long-standing and valued customer, and it invited me to apply for a loan of up to 25 grand! I still have not received a letter telling me that they were closing my account. And I thought the CFZ office was inefficient...

Then the Police Compound to where the jag was takebn after the accident is trying to charge us loads of money for the privelige, and the University grants people have lost the paperwork for my stepdaughter's claims. On top of that HM Inland Revenue have paid Corinna a substantial sum of money that she is not due, and which she does not want. The whole world has gone bloody mad!

It was a surprisingly heartwarming weekend. When I wrote on the blog on friday lunchtime, I really thought I was facing ruin. Remember guys, that I am bipolar - I see things in black and white, which is a good thing when I am being positive, but a terrible one when I am being negative.

Many of the world's great achievers have been bipolar, and whilst I am not putting myself on a par with Beethoven, Churchill, or Coleridge, or even Stephen Fry or Kurt Cobain, the fact that I am bipolar means that I can charge at something like a bull at a gate until I achieve it. Its a mixed blessing, but I honestly think that whatever little success I have achieved in the world, is mostly down to the positive effects of my mental illness.

But the negative effects are devastating, and until tea time on friday, all I wanted to do was die!

However, once the money was in my stiucky little fingers, and we were on the way to London, I did not begin to feel better.

We collected David (my 15 year old ur-nephew, for those wuo don't know) from school, and drove hell for leather down the M5. We got to the travelodge at Feltham at about 10.00, checked in and had a few beers. david is a country boy, and had great difficulty settling down to sleep against the suburban sonic background of car alarms and the Heathrow flightpath, but the next morning, all four of us (Dave, Graham, Corinna and me) were up and relatively conscious in time to get to Kempton Park racecource for 8.30.

We set out our stall, exchanging cheerful badinage with Graham and Janice Smith with whom we were sharing a stall for the day. We had a relatively good day, spent too much money (I bought five more Peruvian fern insects (a species that I have been trying to establish permanently at the CFZ for over 12 years), and some West African armoured millipedes for the CFZ menagerie, and we sold quite a few copies of the new magazine, as well as a significant amount of advertising.

Two things were uplifting in particular.

For over a year I have been a member of a forum called BugNation in which I burble on about insects to like minded folk. I joined over a year ago, and in the intervening months I have found myself getting quite fond of some of the people there. On saturday I met them in the flesh (as it were)for the first time, and they were lovely!

What was even more heartwarming than finding you were friends with a whole new posse o'people was the fact that so many of the punters at the AES exhibition were kids! Now, I over the years I have fallen into the generation gap thing, and berated "the kids of today" for being more interested in video games than books or natural history. "T'weren't like that in my day" I would grouse. "..and what about the bloody music they listen to. In mah day they had proper words and tunes that everyone could enjoy, like `Throbbing Gristle`, or `Shaved Women Collaborators` by CRASS"..

What a joy it weas to have a string of young ladies and gentlemen, many as young as six or seven, coming up to the stall and asking highly competent, and quite technical questions that I was completely unable to answer. What a joy to have a young girl of nine or ten rattle off a load of latin names at me, as she told me about her successes in breeding mantids.

It was a bloody delight, and it did my old anarchist's heart a world of good to experience it.

Then we went home to another bit of sad news. Corinna's other pet rat, Sid, outlived his brother by only about 48 hours. He was getting rather old, but he was a good rat.

We are back

Its amazing how much better I felt when the bloke at NatWest gave me nine grand in cash (which is now invested in an account at the bank that likes to say "do you really think that is a good idea dear") I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but I had managed to convince myself that I would never get my money back. As it was, the tale of how I did is mildly amusing, and probably deserves to be told.

I went into the bank with Corinna. I was probably looking less than salubrious, because now only - as you might have gathered from my last few posts - was I feeling very frail, and as mad as a bagfull of cheese - but my hair was blown all over the place, I was dressed head to foot in black, and sporting a leather jacket, big hat, and a T Shirt with the CRASS logo and the motto "Anarchy, Peace and Freedom". The usual then.

I stomped difidently (can you stomp diffidently? I'm not too sure, but I am convinced that I did), up to the enquiries counter, and was met by a bloke called Mr Slocombe.

Now, banks have changed a lot over the years. When my father first took me to NatWest to open an account back in the day, it was a serious social event. The Bank Manager had sidewhiskers, and wore a near pin-striped suit. He offered both me and my father cigars, and the whole occasion had a strange dignity about it, as if opening my first cheque-book account was one of those important rites of passage in the making of a young gentleman.

When we went in to the bank a few weeks ago to open our joint account (the thing which I am sure was the reason behind the current crisis), the staff, who seemed to be a mixture of kids hardly old enough to shave, and late middle-aged women with grey hair, who looked acutely embarrasssed), were all dressed in bright yellow T.Shirts emblazoned with some facile slogan or other, and an air of quiet dignity was nowhere to be seen. Even when the official who was to open our account took us into a side room to do the dirty deed, he called us (uninvited) by our first names, and had about as much quiet dignity as a farting competition.

However, Mr Slocombe was lovely. He was the only person since this whole horrid affair started who treated us, not only with respect, but in the manner in which one would expect a bank official to behave. He was kind, dignified, and sensitive, and I cannot thank hum enough.

I told him that I had been ordered by the powers that be to close my account. His eyelids did not even flicker at this,, and he said that he was sorry to hear it. I gave him my details and asked for him to give me the balance of my account in cash. He said that of course he would, and it was only as my balance flashed up on the screen before him, that any emotion could be seen on his face. "Why on earth do you have to close this account?" he asked.

I grinned and told him the whole sorry tale. He confirmed to me that most people who are forced into the position of closing their accounts have no money, a substantial overdraft, and a history of bouncing cheques. Not a balance of nine grand (because the irony is, that for the first time in my life it transpired that I had MORE money in my account than I thought).

Still professionally suave to the core (although one could see his poor little brain working overtime as he wondered what the $%^&^ was going on), he arranged the withdrawal, shook our hands and we walked out into the street with £9,123.70 in my pocket. For the first time in my life I have no Bank Account.

Well, this is it..

This afternoon I have to go to the NatWest bank in Bideford and withdraw the balance of what used to be my account... if they let me.

There should be no reason why not, but then again until two days ago there was no reason for them to cancel my account.

If I can't get the money, I will have to start selling things.

We are going to the AES bug show this weekend, and I hope we will make enough money from selling `Exotic Pets` to tide us over. If we don't I really don't know what we shall do.

I feel that I am only feet away from an abyss - an abyss that I have not sensed for many years. At the moment I am terrified. My life has been turned upside down, and I am so disorientated that I really don't know what is real at the moment.

This should be an exciting experience for a fortean, who has spent his life looking at surreal mega-possibilities, but it isn't. I feel physically sick, and I really don't know what the future has to offer.

We are away until saturday night, so don't worry if this is the last blog for a time.

Dum Spiro Spero

Putting it all into perspective

I don't know how many of you read the blogs that I have links to on the bottom right hand side of this page. However, one, `Captain Pancreas` was particularly inspirational. The last entry on the blog was made some weeks ago, and it never ocurred to me to read the comments. It was only today, when - feeling more depressed, and closer to the abyss than I have felt in years - I clicked on the comments tab and found out that Brian the blogger had died.

I posted this:

"Brian old mate. We never met, but your blog was inspirational. My life is crap sometimes, and my health is not what it could be, but your writings have done more than you will ever know to lift my spirits.I hope that you indeed managed to drain the sweetness out of every second.LoveJ"

And I mean every word.

Another letter

Myrtle Cottage
9 Back Street
Woolfardisworthy
Bideford
Devon
EX39 5QR



Mr. Geoffrey Cox, QC., MP.,
Member of Parliament for Torridge & West Devon,
2 Bridge Chambers,
Lower Bridge Street,
Bideford,
Devon EX39 2BU

20th September 2007

Dear Mr. Cox,

I am writing to you in the hope that you may be able to help in anyway with the situation in which I find myself. As you will see, from the enclosed letter addressed to my wife (in her single name due to her not having required documentation on her at the time proving her new address details), after trying to open a joint account with NatWest, she has been refused on unspecified grounds. She was informed, when she phoned NatWest to enquire as to the reason why, that I, too, had such a letter in the post to me – but this has, as yet, not materialised.

I enclose a letter I have sent to NatWest in response to their actions, which is self-explanatory, together with the letter from NatWest, and a copy of my recent bank statement proving that I have a substantial credit on my account.

This is an appalling situation in which to find myself, after so many years banking with the same bank, and to make things very much worse I am also severely disabled. The thing that really makes me angry is the fact that this could happen to anyone! In this instance I am a bloody-minded, relatively articulate and intelligent individual with a good support network of friends and colleagues, a loving (and solvent) wife, and enough sheer venom and determination to fight against it.But what if I had not been? What would have happened if I was still manic-depressive, but living alone, with no money and no support? If I were not in the fortunate position that I am, I would be facing homelessness and destitution almost overnight!

I don’t know whether there is anything you can do to help, but I would be very grateful for your support.

Yours sincerely,

Jonathan Downes.

In a past life we must have done real bad stuff

Apologies to Biffo for my continued quotings from his musings, but they seem somewhat appropriate.


Now, Corinna's pet rat, Len, has died and been ceremoniously buried under the rose bushes. They say things happen in threes, and maybe this is the third. He was a jolly little fellow, and I bought him as a present for her a couple of years ago. He has been poorly for a while, and it is probably for the best, but he was a jolly little fellow, and we will miss him.

Corinna is obviously very unhappy (as are we all), and it is just another horrid thing with which we have to deal.


Is anything ELSE going to happen in this bloody awful week? I'm beginning to feel like Job....

...

This is a complete bloody nightmare, but maybe the letter below will do some good. The thing that really makes me angry is the fact that this could happen to anyone! In this instance I am a bloody-minded, relatively articulate and intelligent individual with a good support network of friends and colleagues, a loving (and solvent) wife, and enough sheer venom and determination to fight against it.

But what if I had not been? What would have happened if I was still manic-depressive, but living alone, with no money and no support? The DSS are no damn good, and the Heath Authority are overstretched and - despite everything - largely unaware of the reality of coping with bi-polar illnesses. The social services would be unable to help. If I were not in the fortunate position that I am, I would be facing homelessness and a life where my only valid option would to be drinking myself to death as I lived in a cardboard box under a bridge somewhere.

My heart goes out to everyone else in this situation who ain't as fortunate as I am.

Again, thanks to everyone for their continued support..............

And now THIS happens

Myrtle Cottage
9 Back Street
Woolfardisworthy
Bideford
Devon
EX39 5QR

Account Closure Team,
Natwest Bank,
PO Box 20000,
Younger Building,
Edinburgh EH12 9RB

Your ref: /18390395/CMOL21

20th September 2007

Dear Sirs,

Account No: 79xxxxxxxxxxxx
Sort Code: 51 70 16 Mr Jonathan Downes & Ms Corinna N. James

Account No: 13xxxxxxxxxxx
Sort Code: 52 30 22 Mr Jonathan Downes

I have been banking with National Westminster without any major incidents since 1979. I have been an account holder at your Dawlish branch since 1982. I am currently in credit with you to the tune of about £8,500 pounds. I do not owe you any money, nor do I have any major debts to anyone else that are not under control. I am appalled, therefore, to find that my bank account is being closed, without my knowledge, and without any indication on your part on what I have done wrong.

Whereas I accept that you have every legal right to do what you have done, I would point out, after having taken advice on this matter, that Principal 6 of the Financial Services Act 2007 guarantees my right as a customer to ‘fair treatment’. And furthermore states that ‘a properly informed customer would reasonably expect that the firm would place his interests above its own, the firm should live up to that expectation.’ As I am not aware of anything that I have done which warrants such treatment, I would urge you to re-examine the matter, and at the very least, explain to me and my wife why you have taken this draconian action.

In the last 24 hours, several items of information have come to light. I have tried – twice – to contact NatWest. Firstly, your office, and secondly my own branch. On each occasion a taciturn employee told me that “it was a commercial decision” without giving me any explanation for what that actually means. They also refused to give any explanation for the reasons for the action which has been taken.

According to a professional acquaintance `commercial decision` means one of two things:

Either I have been conducting the business of my account incorrectly, in which case you have a duty to have informed me of this and given me a warning, before summarily closing my accounts. If this is the case, then it was totally unintentional. I can only apologise, and ask you to provide details of what I – totally innocently – did.

The other option is that, when my wife and I opened our joint account a few weeks ago, you carried out a routine credit check which revealed something about me of which you were unaware.

I have been in financial difficulties twice in my life. The first time when I had a massive nervous breakdown in 1990, and the second a few years ago, when I basically had to give up my home in Exeter to look after my dying father! Yes, I have three CCJs to my credit (or lack of it), but one is paid off and the other two are under control. In 2005 I received a year's Council Tax demand from Exeter City Council for a house I wasn't even living in. I was given a CCJ for that, and even though I paid it off, and had the money refunded when the council realised they had made a mistake, the CCJ still stands. I have a problem with Barclaycard, and another one with the South West Water Authority, but both of these are under control, and I am paying an agreed amount off each month.

As the then-manager of my branch at Dawlish was aware, I had CCJs against me in 1990, after I became unemployed. These did not effect the standing of my bank account then, and I fail to see how they effect the standing of my bank account now. I don't owe any money to the bank. Indeed my account had a healthy credit balance! I was not trying to borrow any money, now or in the forseeable future, and basically, after a difficult few years, I have just got married and am trying to put my life back on track. I am planning to refurbish and sell my house in Exeter (in which I have equity of something in excess of £70,000, and when I have done so, I shall be putting the rest of my affairs in order. This is why I kept 8.5K from the money I inherited from my father last year in my bank account. I have two friends living in the Exeter property at the moment, and can obviously do nothing until they have found new homes. The fact that my bank account has now been cancelled will, obviously, cause me a number of problems trying to facilitate this.

The history of this affair over the past few weeks also brings up several concerns. On Tuesday 11th, I tried to pay for some medication at Lloyd’s Pharmacy in Bideford East-The-Water using my card. The card was refused. I went in to the Bideford branch of NatWest to ask what the problem was. The staff were very helpful and told me that – because of a mistake – my account had been referred to your `Debt Management Unit`. They assured me that this was just a mistake. The following day I telephoned my branch, who confirmed that this was just a mistake, and assured me that I would get a new card in 4-6 working days. Either someone was lying to me then, or an error of massive proportions has taken place.

I still, at time of writing, have received no written conformation from you that my personal account has been closed. I was informed of this fact by an abusive young man from your office, but have still not received confirmation. As a customer of thirty years standing, with a healthy credit balance, surely I could have been offered a `basic account` even if my cheque book and debit card facilities were withdrawn? This would – I believe – have been a kind and businesslike option for you to have taken.

I should also inform you, I believe, that copies of this letter, together with covering letters explaining the situation, and photocopies of relevant supporting documents, are being sent to The Financial Ombudsman Service, my local MP, Geoffrey Cox, QC, and to my legal advisor.

You may, or may not be, aware that I am disabled, and in my opinion, at least, the unbelievable stress that you are putting me under would also warrant an action against you under the Disability Discrimination Act. I have not yet done so, but if this matter is not satisfactorily resolved within 7 days, I shall be contacting the relevant authorities and seeking to lodge a complaint under the above act. For no good reason you are placing a severely disabled man under appalling, and totally unwarranted stress. I am a manic-depressive suffering with Bipolar II. For your information, here is an excerpt from Wikipedia (the free encyclopaedia):

"Mortality studies have documented an increase in all-cause mortality in patients with BD. A newly established and rapidly growing database indicates that mortality due to chronic medical disorders (eg, cardiovascular disease) is the single largest cause of premature and excess deaths in BD. The standardized mortality ratio from suicide in BD is estimated to be approximately 18 to 25, further emphasizing the lethality of the disorder. Although many people with bipolar disorder who attempt suicide never actually complete it, the annual average suicide rate in males and females with diagnosed bipolar disorder (0.4%) is 10 to more than 20 times that in the general population.

Individuals with bipolar disorder tend to become suicidal, especially during mixed states such as dysphoric mania and agitated depression. Persons suffering from Bipolar II have high rates of suicide compared to persons suffering from other mental health conditions, including Major Depression. Major Depressive episodes are part of the Bipolar II experience, and there is evidence that sufferers of this disorder spend proportionally much more of their life in the depressive phase of the illness than their counterparts with Bipolar I Disorder (Akiskal & Kessler, 2007).”

You have just subjected a man suffering from this to the unbelievable stress, of having to reorganise his personal finances, after thirty unblemished years of banking with you, in just ten days. You have cancelled my standing orders, upset my relationship with my mortgage holder, cancelled my online banking facilities, refused to speak to me, have besmirched my financial good name, cancelled any banking references, and basically ruined my financial life. And, as far as I can see, for no good reason.

I truly believe that this is nothing more than an unfortunate administrative error. I would strongly urge you, both for the reasons that I have listed above, and just out of sheer human compassion to look again at your decision and see what – if anything – can be done.

Yours faithfully,




Jonathan Downes

cc: Natwest Bank, Bideford
Natwest Bank, Dawlish
Natwest Customer Relations
The Financial Ombudsman Service
Mr. Geoffrey Cox, QC, MP for Torridge & West Devon
Chris Moiser
John Ward

New Morning

Well it's another day. I am still alive, I am relatively awake, I slept reasonably well (after a slew of tranquilisers), and I have formulated some sort of plan.

I am going to continue posting the progress of what is going on here on the blog for three reasons.

1. Because I have always tried to be honest with people. You, the CFZ readership, have always supported us as an organisation, and me as an individual. It is only fair for me to share this with you.

2. Because I feel that I have been the victim of a massive injustice, and if it can happen to me, it can happen to you! If I share this information with you all, then MAYBE it will protect someone else from this happening to them in the future if they know how to deal with it.

3. Because, if I share this with you - my friends known, and unknown, across cyberspace - then Corinna and I will no longer feel quite so isolated and alone in the face of this overwhelming horror.

By the way. I would like to stress now that none of this effects the CFZ. The CFZ is solvent (as on paper am I), and our programme of research and publications is not, and will not be effected.

So keep your fingers crossed guys, and hold on tight. It is going to be a bumpy ride!

"My brain hurts like a warehouse; it's too full to care"

"My brain hurt like a warehouse, it had no room to spare
I had to cram so many things to store everything in there
And all the fat-skinny people, and all the tall-short people
And all the nobody people, and all the somebody people
I never thought I'd need so many people"

Thank you dear friends for your messages...

Just when you think it can't get any worse...

I woke up this morning to find that those jolly nice people at NatWest have closed my bank accounts, with no reason given. The letter we received bordered on the abusive, and when I tried to telephone their helpline to find out more information I was eventually told by some faceless arsehole beaurocrat that "it was a commercial decision". I asked (politely) what the hell that meant, but he just repeated it. I asked for a reason for my bank accounts having been closed, and they told me that they had no legal requirement to tell me, and put the phone down!

I phoned my solicitor, and my financial advisor bloke, but to no real avail. Feeling somewhat Kafkaesque, I telephoned Kaye, who is pretty well my sister, but I won't bore you with the story at this juncture. She - it transpired - is friends with a senior bank bod from a rival bank, and gave him an `off the record` ring.

It transpired that, after Corinna and I recently tried to open a joint savings account, that some bright spark at GnatWest decided to do a credit check on me. I have been banking with them for thirty years, and have probably not had a credit check since I initially opened the account.

The credit check probably revealed that I have a dodgy credit record.

Well DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been in financial difficulties twice in my life. The first time when I had a massive nervous breakdown in 1990, and the second a few years ago, when I basically had to give up work to look after my dying father! Yes, I have three CCJs to my credit (or lack of it), but one is paid off and the other two are under control.

MY CREDIT RATING WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO GET A MORTGAGE SIX MONTHS AGO!!!!!

So what has changed?

I don't owe any money to anyone at TwatWest. Indeed my account had a healthy credit balance! I was not trying to borrow any money, now or in the forseeable future, and basically, after a difficult few years, I have just got married and am trying to put my life back on track.

Now, less than a week after nearly dying in a horrible car crash, I am facing a financial wasteland. Despite the fact that I banked with them for nearly thirty years, I have no bank account and am unable to give them as a banking reference. It is as if - financially at least - I have never existed.... And I can't even get an explanation or an apology from the bastards!

It has not been a crime to owe anyone money since the Debtor's Act of 1869. It appears, however, that the powers that be - at least at the PratWest, have decided that it is a crime for me to owe someone ELSE money! Their advertising slogan is, after all, `Another Way`!

However, I may be wrong. I actually don't KNOW why my accounts have been closed. For all I know, I may have been fingered as an Al Quaeda terrorist, or (as my legal advisor said, only half jokingly), it might even be because of my friendship with various dissident types, parlour revolutionaries, ex-members of various proscribed organisations, or even Larry Warren. After all that poor bastard has been persecuted by the US Government for thirty years because he once saw a UFO.

But no. Its probably because in 2005 I received a year's Council Tax demand from Exeter City Council for a house I wasn't even living in. I got a CCJ out of that one, and even though I paid it off, and had the money refunded when the council realised they had made a mistake, the CCJ still stands. Oh yes, I have a problem with Barclaycard, and another one with the South West Water Authority, and I am still paying nine quid a month for a car my ex-wife totalled in 1988.

But does this give those faceless bastards in Edinburgh the right to make me a non-person?

I am going to bed now, to take a sleeping pill, and I hope that tomorrow I will wake up refreshed, dust myself down, and get on with rebuilding my life once again. But I don't know how much more of this shit I can take.

I am writing to the NatWest complaints manager, to the `accounts closure` department, to the manager of my bank, to my MP, to the banking ombudsman, and to anyone else I can think of. But it won't do any good. Even my solicitor admits that although morally their position is indefensible, legally they are fireproof. They can do what they like, and ruin as many lives in the process as they want.

Jarvis Cocker was right about the people who are still running the world.

Sorry for the rant.....

...I'll be back in a few days to talk about mystery animals, or something important, again.

love

Jon

Back to work, shoulder to the wheel, time and tide wait for no man, etc etc

While we were away on our M25 misadventure, I had an eMail from Nichola, politely but firmly reminding me that I hadn't posted any piccies from the Weird Weekend. She is right - I hadn't.

Well, coincidentally, last week I received a 22,000 word account of our annual bunfight from our old friend Helen Lester, known to the fortean discussion group as `Helen of Troy`. I saw her scribbling away throughout the conference, and she had told me that she would write up a review, but I never expected anything on this scale.

So, I have been at work this morning, and HERE is the story of the 2007 Weird Weekend in words and pictures...

We are back..

We are back, safe and relatively sound. Apart from some superficial cuts and bruises we are OK, but if we hadn't been driving a Jaguar we would both be dead! It was the worst crash I have ever been in, and I think that the emotional effects for both of us will be with us for some time.

The car is a complete mangled wreck, but you can buy a new car. You can't get a new wife, and thank God Corinna was OK...

Bad News

The CFZ Press Office released the following statement this afternoon:

CFZ Director Jonathan Downes and his wife Corinna were involved in a serious road traffic accident on the M25 last night, involving four other vehicles. Their Jaguar was a write-off and they were taken to hospital. However, they were discharged in the early hours of this morning.

The police have stated that although a prosecution is likely to take place, it would not be against Mr Downes, who was completely blameless.

Apart from shock, and superficial scratches and bruises, it appears that Mr and Mrs Downes are unheart.

More news when we get it.

So it begins.

After months of keeping relatively quiet about it, we can now go public with our latest major project. In conjunction with CAPCOM - one of the world's leading developers and publishers of video games - we are launching an expedition to Guyana in South America in search of giant anacondas.

The project is made even more exciting for me because of the special guest we are taking along with us. For more news on the project visit the dedicated Guyana Expedition blog....

East Infection

re my last post. Watch this. It has everything ; an insane frontman with an absurd moustache, a gypsy fiddler who looks like he was kicked out of Willie Nelson's band, and a pretty girl wearing a bird mask and what looks like a cheese grater strapped to her back. If it doesn't bring a smile to your face there is no hope for you..




It is - without a doubt, and against some stiff competition, the best thing I have heard all year.

Music Maestro please

This is proving to be a cracking year for music.

Released in the last few weeks, and highly recommended from this author are:

1. Kula Shaker `Strangefolk`
2. The Polyphonic Spree `Fragile Army`
3. Richard Hawley `Lady's Bridge`

The first two are welcome returns to form after slightly patchy second albums. The second Kula Shaker album in particular was a crashing disappointment after the glories of their debut, and whilst `Together we're Heavy` by the Polyphonic Spree had its moments, it was a bit too self-consciously clever for my tastes. After the joyous psychobabble of the first album which sounded like the Mamas and Pappas on mescaline, they suddenly became Yes which although I have been known to ingest a fair amount of prog in my time, was probably a mistake. Both their album and the new Kula Shaker one are harder edged and less fussy than their immediate predecessors, and are worth serious consideration.

Richard Hawley never ceases to bemuse me. His last album was universally lauded as a masterpiece (and quite rightly so), and pressed all the right Scott Walker buttons for me, but the new one is quite a departure, and I can see why some reviewers were lukewarm about it. The nearest frame of reference I can find is an obscure album called "The one and Only" by Billy Fury, which was recorded just before his death and released on kTel or some other crappy little label posthumously, whereupon nobody bought it.

It featured many of his most famous songs rerecorded with the cream of 1980s session musicians, and - unusually for such a project, in such a decade - is bloody marvellous. I picked up a copy by mistake on a car boot stall years ago, and I have played it regularly ever since. And yes, Richard Hawley's record is THAT good.

I have also just discovered Gogol Bordello and from them I have digressed onto all sorts of Gypsy Punk, and the sound system in the CFZ office is as eccentric as ever.

On a more sombre note, Mark's mum is about to go into hospital, and we would ask you to remember her in your thoughts and prayers. As a result, Mark is back in Dorset for at least the next six months, and will probably be forced into getting a proper job, for a while at least...

Rome wasn't built in a day...

Last night I sat up in bed watching television while Corinna battled her way through Middle Earth. I watched something called `The Ultimate Sitcom` blissfully unaware that it was originally broadcast some 20 months ago, and that everyone else in the omniverse knew the results before I did.

I was childishly happy to see that my three favourites (Reggie Perrin, Sgt Bilko, and Larry Sanders) made the listing, but it was one of the clips they showed that actually got me thinking. It was a clip from `Yes Minister` c. 1982 in which the immortal Sir Humphrey Appleby was making excuses for Civil Service tardiness by using one of his catchphrases: "Rome wasn't built in a Day".

Now, Graham used to be a Civil Servant. Until, that is, he smashed the windows of Exeter Tax Office with a lump hammer, and broke a leg during the subsequent police chase, causing the Exeter Express and Echo to come up with a superlative headline describing him as an `Uncivil Servant`.

For twenty years he has been my best friend, co-conspirator, and partner in crime, but under the scuzzy, scatty, Hawkwind revereing exterior, still beats the heart of a Civil Servant. And yes, he has been known to use Sir Humphry's favourite catchphrase. But although it would be easy to see this as a convenient and facile excuse, the truth is that stuff doesn't happen as quickly as we would like.

The museum, for example, was supposed to be finished last May, but is still basically a building site full of crap. The aviary still has no roof and only two of three doors, and although the roof, floor, and electrics of the museum are fixed, and indeed finished, the interior is still an untidy shed rather than the lodestone of world cryptozoology. But as Graham says, Rome WASN'T built in a day, the weather has been appaling, and most of the time when Graham should have been outside doing the building work, he was cowering indoors because of the driving torrential rain which threatened to give us a Noah-style deluge. Add to that the fact that this year Corinna has sold her house, I have bought this one, Corinna has moved in with me, We got married, helped to buy a zoo, and promoted the best Weird Weekend yet, and it is amazing that we have achieved anything else!

However, none of this excuses the fact that I haven't been keeping this blog up to date like I should. But in the last few weeks we have been programming the new welcome pack for new CFZ members, finishing Animals & Men #41, Exotic Pets #2 and being sacked by Tropical World. I am also in the process of designing websites for My Darling Quasi-Sister, one for the aforementioned zoo, and editing the Weird Weekend footage into some sort of cohesive whole.

So, forgive me for not having done as much as I should, but Rome wasn't built in a day!

[Wikipedia:According to legend, the city of Rome was founded by the twins Romulus and Remus on April 21, 753 BC, but archaeological evidence supports the theory that Rome grew from pastoral settlements on the Palatine Hill and in the area of the future Roman Forum, coalescing into a city in the 8th century BC. That city developed into the capital of the Roman Kingdom (ruled by a succession of seven kings, according to tradition), Roman Republic (from 510 BC, governed by the Senate), and finally the Roman Empire (from 31 BC, ruled by an Emperor)]