Well, this is it..

This afternoon I have to go to the NatWest bank in Bideford and withdraw the balance of what used to be my account... if they let me.

There should be no reason why not, but then again until two days ago there was no reason for them to cancel my account.

If I can't get the money, I will have to start selling things.

We are going to the AES bug show this weekend, and I hope we will make enough money from selling `Exotic Pets` to tide us over. If we don't I really don't know what we shall do.

I feel that I am only feet away from an abyss - an abyss that I have not sensed for many years. At the moment I am terrified. My life has been turned upside down, and I am so disorientated that I really don't know what is real at the moment.

This should be an exciting experience for a fortean, who has spent his life looking at surreal mega-possibilities, but it isn't. I feel physically sick, and I really don't know what the future has to offer.

We are away until saturday night, so don't worry if this is the last blog for a time.

Dum Spiro Spero

Putting it all into perspective

I don't know how many of you read the blogs that I have links to on the bottom right hand side of this page. However, one, `Captain Pancreas` was particularly inspirational. The last entry on the blog was made some weeks ago, and it never ocurred to me to read the comments. It was only today, when - feeling more depressed, and closer to the abyss than I have felt in years - I clicked on the comments tab and found out that Brian the blogger had died.

I posted this:

"Brian old mate. We never met, but your blog was inspirational. My life is crap sometimes, and my health is not what it could be, but your writings have done more than you will ever know to lift my spirits.I hope that you indeed managed to drain the sweetness out of every second.LoveJ"

And I mean every word.