I do apologise for this, but it is truly completely beyond my control. David B-P and his glamorous assistant Jo-Jo (see below) are going to be doing something arcane with the telephone points this morning which may have some effect, but if it doesn't, basically we just have to continue our dialogue with British Telecom, which so far has gone.
JON: Forgive me for complaining but we have no internet access today
BT: Yes you have
JON: No I haven't
BT: You must be mistaken
JON: I assure you that I am not
BT: What do you expect us todo about it?
JON: Restore my service or I won't pay my telephone bill
BT: Then we will cut you off... (which they did)
JON: I shall have to (reluctantly pay my bill) but we still have no internet access today
BT: Yes you have