LOBSTERS IN THE NEWS

As I have announced before in these pages, stuff happens in patterns, and so it didn't really surprise me to receive a story about this singularly coloured lobster immediately after having posted stories about artists using lobster carapaces in artworks....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090612/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_yellow_lobster

MORE LOBSTERMEN

What I love about this bloggo is that the most peculiar subjects become threads. Who would have thought that Alan F.'s peculiar piece about sculpting with lobsters would be so popular that it would inspire a comment more than the "ugh that's freaky dude" sort; but it did.

Richard Holland wrote:

"Classy! Reminds me of Nigel Kneale's short story about a bloke who catches frogs and toads from his local pond, stuffs them, then dresses them up as little toffs and dandies. The amphibians take a dim view of this and one morning he's found squatting by the pond, stark naked and stuffed full of pondweed. So should suffer all who make tacky craft items."

So I couldn't resist it. Here, from the late lamented Potter's Museum of Curiosity, is a peculiar 19th Century sculpture of two 19th Century clergymen smoking pipes. And it is made entirely out of bits of lobster. I always loved that sculpture and hope that whoever has it now, they are looking after it.

However, this has got portions of the editorial team (we, me and Biggles, and it is only me that interprets his sniffing the cat's bottom and turning out the bins as being interested in crustacean sculpture) interested in the whole subject of crustacean sculpture. Is there any more out there? Can you get me some? Uncle Jon's Museum of Curiosities will not be complete until we have some lobster sculpture of our own!

FRISWELL'S FREAKY FEATURES: Lobster Men (or should that be Lobstermen?)

The other day Alan Friswell, the bloke who made the CFZ Feegee Mermaid and also the guy responsible for some of the most elegantly macabre bloggo postings, wrote me an email.

He had an idea for a new series for the bloggo. Quite simply he has an enormous collection of macabre, fortean, odd and disturbing magazine and newspaper articles, and he proposed to post them up on the bloggo.

Alan Writes: "Yes! Welcome to Friswell's Freaky Features, an ongoing spot on the CFZ blog page where you will encounter the fun, the freaky, the frightening and on occasion, the downright horrifying. Many of these items are from almost forgotten archives and no doubt should, in many cases, have stayed forgotten. But no chance of that on this site! So be prepared to be amazed by the bizarre manifestations of nature, the abberations of the natural world and the complete (on occasion) mind-bending insanity of collective humanity. Read on...."

What a smashing idea, we thought, and so with a burst of alliteration that will - I hope - make Dr Shuker proud of me, here we go....

Over the years, I've used some pretty weird materials to make various monsters and creatures; everything from real animal bones and skin, to every sort of plastic and rubber, and even slices of bread. But I've never made people from crustacean shells, so have a look at this from Modern Mechanics, June, 1952
Cheers,

Al :)

GUEST BLOGGER MIKE HALLOWELL: A closer look at Geordie Monsters

Geordie cryptids are normally identifiable by a number of peculiar "trademarks"; they tend to wear string vests, drink copious amounts of brown ale ( colloquially known as lunatics' broth) and have a fondness for dining on the fish Gadus morhua, or Atlantic Cod. Being omnivorous, they will often supplement their diet with the root vegetable Solanum tuberosum. Together, Gadus morhua and Solanum tuberosum are commonly called "fish and chips".

Anyway, enough of the science lesson and on with the blog.

On Saturday evening, Mr. Richard Freeman and I proceeded to a somewhat ostentatious drinking establishment called The Alum Ale House. "The Alum" sits on the south bank of the River Tyne in South Shields, and provides refreshment to weary travellers. However, in keeping with Geordie by-laws patrons who frequent the place must be at least two weeks old and are not allowed to purchase alcoholic beverages until they have reached three months. For pedants, an "alcoholic beverage" in Geordieland must be at least 86% proof. Any weaker products are classed as "soft drinks", as only new-borns and "soft" people imbibe them.

The purpose of our visit was to educate the local populace regarding two cryptozoological enigmas. I opened the proceedings by informing the packed Dungeon Bar about one of our more colourful crustaceans; a huge critter commonly known as The Giant Lobster of Trow Rocks. Having suitably traumatised those foolhardy enough to attend, Mr. Freeman then followed with a rendition of his adventures in a country called "Russia", which allegedly lies many furlongs away in another land supposedly called "Europe". The existence of both these locations has yet to be verified by our scientists.

The Giant Lobster of Trow Rocks is something of a puzzle, as it is almost certainly not a lobster and it doesn't reside on Trow Rocks. Mind you, it lives pretty close to them.

Aquatic cryptids are supposed to live in picturesque underwater caves decorated with sea shells. The Giant Lobster of Trow Rocks, being a Geordie, prefers to tart up his home with old copies of Viz magazine and Woodbine packets, but we need not quibble over details.

In the early part of the 20th century, there stood in Jarrow, also on the banks of the Tyne, a dock. Docks were places where we used to build ships, dismantle ships and fish for our supper, but with the decline of the shipping industry they steadily became redundant. At the neck of the dock stood a huge steel thing known as a gate. The gate was used to keep some of the water out and to prevent the locals from escaping. At some juncture it became surplus to requirements, and a rich bloke bought it and decided to have it sent off to Norway where it could be broken down and sold for scrap. The plan went swimmingly - please excuse the pun - at first. The dock was strapped to another big thing called a boat, and it duly made its way down river. After entering the North Sea the boat turned right and got as far as Marsden Bay. Here, alas, tempestuous waves and gusty winds precipitated a disaster. The boat shuggied about a bit in the sea, and the gate fell off.

Now the gate was so big that even after it hit the bottom the top bit was still sticking out of the water, where it remained for many decades - a stark testament to both the skill of our nautical engineers and the ferocity of our ocean.

Twenty years later, a bloke from Sunderland, which lies within the adjacent Kingdom of Mackemland, purchased the gate with the intention of salvaging it. He strapped it to a boat, sailed a bit further up the shore and then watched as it fell off again. Bugger, he opined. A third attempt also ended in like manner, and the remains of the gate have lodged at the bottom of the briny ever since. You can still see it at low tide.

In 1963, people started to see a strange thing on the beach. It was 12 feet in length, dark green in colour and had big claws, upon which it sported sharp lumps. Recently, after much investigation, our marine biologists positively identified these lumps as - sorry to get technical - "pointy bits" and suggested that they are probably best avoided by bathers who find themselves in close proximity to the creature. Since its arrival, the creature has been known as The Giant Lobster of Trow Rocks, but this is a misnomer. Indeed, its description fits closely that of Jaekelopterus rhenaniae, the long-extinct (supposedly) Giant Sea Scorpion.

What, pray, I hear you ask, has this creature got to do with the dock gate? For reasons I have not been able to fathom, a legend arose that the monster - whatever its taxonomical provenance - lived beneath the remains of the gate just off the coast, and would only venture forth from its steel home to catch its prey or put a bet on at the local bookies.

This, in essence, is the story of the Giant Lobster of Trow Rocks. Those who wish to learn more can do so by purchasing a copy of my book Mystery Animals of the British Isles: Northumberland & Tyneside (CFZ Press, 2008), by means of which they may also edify themselves regarding more serious cryptids such as The Giant Rabbit of Felton and the Ghost Birds of Jesmond Dene. (The latter, I hasten to point out, should not be confused with two other species known as the Drunken Birds of Benwell and the Dolly Birds of Walker).

After, Mr. Freeman regaled our audience with tales of his Russian trip. One highlight was his fascinating description of a gorilla's penis, which was accompanied by vigorous wiggling of his little finger. Mr. Freeman assured us that both his pinkie and a gorilla's penis are nigh-identical. Whether the refusal of our audience to shake hands with him later was connected to this I cannot say, but his lecture went down a storm and the crowd yelled for more. Indeed, they got more the following evening when we were invited back by popular demand. The audience, alas, was not quite as large as the previous evening, but we at least had the opportunity to sample a delightful real ale called The Cross Buttock. I will refrain from going into too much detail, but I would like to point out that this beverage very much "does what it says on the tin", and proved to be a most efficacious treatment for solemnity as well as other burdens of body and mind.

Yours in the spirit of Biffa Bacon....Mike.

GUEST BLOGGER RICHARD FREEMAN: DID YOU SPILL MY PINT?

Guest Blogger time for Richard Freeman again. He has, as regular readers will be aware, been away from the CFZ for a week or so now. This is where he explains why...

The last time I lectured at the Alum Ale House, South Shields, Tyne and Wear (in the North of England, for those of our readers unfamiliar with British geography) the cellar bar was a dingy, damp, bare. Now redecorated the new landlord Tony Shawcross is hoping to turn it into a 'Fortean Bar'. This is such a great idea that I don't know why it hasn't been thought of before!

Sure there are 'Wine Bar Forteans' in London who gather to dismiss all phenomena as subjective, and as states of mind, but there was nowhere for real hands-on researchers to gather, listen to talks, and swap information. Until now. Together with my old mate Mike Hallowell, I lectured on the opening night of the cellar bar. It was packed to full capacity, and all the tickets had been sold. Mike gave a short talk about the monster lobster of Trow Rocks. This little known cryptid is supposedly a ten foot long arthropod that has been seen close to Marsden Bay (also home to the Shoney, the infamous sea-dragon of the North East coast).

Seen both on land and in the water, this weird beast is unlike anything else reported from the UK or even the world for that matter!Mike has postulated that it might be a Eurypterid, a giant arthropod believed extinct some 280 million years. Alternatively, he says, witnesses could be viewing the beast through some form of `time-slip`.

After this i gave my lecture on the CFZ's 2008 expedion to Russia in search of relict hominids. Both talks were very well recieved, and there was a Q+A session afterwards. Rounded off with a buffet, and an evening of drinking, it was an excellent night. Mike is aranging monthly talks in the Cellar Bar, and I wish them every sucess.

Fittingly the bar is suposedly haunted. The joiner who worked on the cellar's refurbishment saw somthing in a mirror he was erecting. It was supposedly so horrific, he refused to talk about it.

Perhaps it was his own reflection.

LOBSTERS A GO GO

Welcome to our newest guest blogger - the irrepressable Miss Fleur Fulcher. She turned up unnanounced at the 2008 Weird Weekend, and seemed to somehow stroll around the place causing high strangeness wherever she trod. The nearest analogue any of us have ever met to a real-world version of J.K.Rowling's Luna Lovegood, we have persuaded her to occasionally step out of her wardrobe full of pretty frocks and strange inhabitants in order to give us her insight upon the natural world. So, she chose to write about strange lobsters...

With my degree in fashion journalism, I am the perfect person to write about what this season’s most fashionable crustaceans are doing.

Often overshadowed by the flashier inhabitants of the sea, the lobsters would like to remind us all that they too can be crazy-looking, ancient, giant or in other ways strange (and delicious).
The lobsters this season are not the usual drab looking creatures. They are bright blue, green, purple and even two toned.

The largest lobster on record weighed over 3 stone. Somehow I think that even my mother, fond of lobster as she is, would be overwhelmed if that turned up on her plate.

There have been reports since a few months after Hurricane Katrina of huge spiny lobsters up to 6 feet in length in the Florida Keys. Some believe this is due to unusual nutrients being washed into the water during the hurricane. In typical American fashion, the size of the behemoths of the sea floor does not stop the locals from turning them into dinner.

If giant spiny lobster isn’t your thing, then you could head over to Japan and a nice cone of lobster ice cream, (they also have a charcoal ice-cream in one parlour). Or try the ‘Love Maine Lobster Claw’ game, the same as the infuriating ones at fairgrounds where you try to win badly made fake Disney toys, but with live lobsters scrabbling around waiting to be caught. Infuriating animal rights activists worldwide, this game has been a big hit in the US.

Possibly the strangest looking one I have seen thus far is the orange and green specimen found in Maine by Alan Robinson, who - deciding it was too unusual to eat - donated it to the Mount Desert Oceanarium, where it will live out its days. Apparently, the odds of a lobster being two coloured like this is 1 in 100 million.

In December 2008, a lobster with 4 claws was caught near Newport. You have to wonder whether they charge the diners extra for ones like that, a bit like the sorry looking one-clawed ones that always lurk at the back of the pick-your-own tank.

So next time you go to an Oceanarium or the National Marine Aquarium, don’t spend all your time with the fish, check out the lobsters that might be lurking there too.