MIKE HALLOWELL: Geordie Crypto Awards for the New Year

Well, this is my last blog of 2009, a year that I will be singularly glad to see the back of. It's been a bad year for my health and an even stranger one for professional relationships. Still, I'm not going to whine. I'm looking forward to 2010 and throwing myself with gusto into a number of new investigations.

Several exciting projects lie on the horizon. I intend to get to the bottom of the Splitback Demon enigma, whilst simultaneously finding out just what the Cleadon Wild Man was, is or is supposed to be. And then there's the Beast of Bolam Lake. I count myself blessed to have three hairy hominids (or four, if you count me in) living so close to my own abode.

Darren W. Ritson and I also have a joint investigation to carry out. I can't – or rather won't - say at this juncture just what it involves, but if things pan out the way they're supposed to it may very well make headline news. And no, before you ask, it doesn't involve a poltergeist and neither does it fall within the sphere of cryptozoology. You'll just have to watch this space, I'm afraid, but it promises to be very exciting indeed.

I'm also looking forward to going to the Weird Weekend next year – or this year, depending on when you read this. This year – or then again, possibly last year - I was prevented from attending due to work commitments and health problems, but I'm bloody well determined to get there this year - which just might qualify as next year if this blog gets posted early enough.

Anyway, without further ado, here are the 2009 Mike Hallowell Awards for Services to Spookiness and Other Stuff:

• The Being Spooky without Actually Doing Anything to Look Spooky Award: Gordon Brown.
• Cryptozoologist of the Year Award: Jonathan Downes.
• Cryptozoological Entity of the Year Award: Jonathan Downes
• Most Hideous Cryptid Award: (Joint winners – Me 'n' Richie. Sorry Jon, but you can't win everything).
• Most Dignified Personality of the Year Award: Pete Doherty
• Most Intellectually Insightful and Thought-Provoking TV Programme Award: Celebrity Big Brother.
• Honesty & Integrity in Professional Life Award: [Fill in name of your local MP here].
• Most Likely to Get an Exotic Medical Condition Award: Me.
• Most Likely to Open His Fat Mouth and Create an Unholy Row Award: Me again.
• Most Likely to Get Whacked in a Dark Alley by a Bunch of Angry Evolutionists Award: You guessed it.
• Most Likely to get Bricked Over the Napper by a Bunch of Angry Creationists Award: Yup, me again.
• Most Deserving to Become the Next General Secretary of the UN Award: Father Jack.
• Most Unlikely to Become the Next General Secretary of the UN Award: That'd be me, again.
  
  

Submissions for the 2010 awards should be posted to:
That Geordie Bloke Who Keeps Nodding Off,
213, Narcoleptic Boulevard,
Sleepy Hollow,
Tired & Weary,
IAM RU12

Alternatively, e-mail your nominations to: cheekynorthernbastard@yoohoo.ooh.okay

You can't nominate yourself, but you can bribe someone else to nominate you. Alternatively, you can bribe me not to give you an award at all, but that will probably be more expensive.

Toodle-pip…must go and see in the New Year with a tequila, a roll-up and a packet of crisps!

All the best for 2010 from Jackie and I…

Mike