Yes ladies and gentlemen,boys and
girls, crypto-dames and crypto-dudes, today I explore the very vexing matter of
varying vocal favourites amongst vegetation! It has come to my attention that
plants actually have the cheek to DISLIKE Cliff!! As in Sir Cliff Richard. Can
you believe it? How could anything, animal,vegetable or mineral dislike the
great Cliff or anyone else, like me, with the word `Richard` in his name?! (With
the exception of Richard Nixon). Isn`t it amazing how all great people, such as
me of course, Lord Richard Freeman of Sumatra ,etc, are graced with the name
`Richard` ?
This story appeared in The Guardian
today, Friday April 19th and is apparently supposed to be taken
seriously, as it is almost 3 weeks since April Fool`s Day. How a plant could
prefer devilish (right,enough said, I don`t wish to get the Big J, author of the
N.Korean hit ` Koi Carp Style` in trouble with heavy metal fans) , I mean Black
Sabbath, to the Mighty Cliff , that wholesome, pure, handsome young man I fail
to understand, probably because I am now feeling very vengeful against all flora
after I blasted Devo`s `Pink Pussycat` at my buddleia today and it withered. Of
course the flaw in my argument is Cliff`s `Devil Woman`, I dare not play that to
the next flower I come across – fearing the effects!
Anyway… `Plants Love Heavy Metal,
says BBC Garden Expert`
Garden guru Chris Beardshaw is
recommending a new technique for bigger blooms – blast your plants with heavy
metal music. The broadcaster and gardening expert reveals on Radio 4`s
Gardeners` Question Time` today that a constant diet of Black Sabbath worked
wonders on a greenhouse full of plants, but exposure to Sir Cliff Richard killed
every plant in a horticultural experiment (surely not, what, even `The Young
Ones` and `Summer Holiday`??! – R)
The test came about because one of
his horticultural students wanted to write a dissertation based on the effects
of music on plants.
“ We set up four glasshouses with
different sorts of music to see what happened to the plants. We had one that was
silent – that was a control house – and one that was played Cliff Richard and
one that was played Black Sabbath… they had the best flowers and the best
resistance to pest and disease…those in the Cliff Richard house all died.”
(1)
Quite what this means in the great
scheme of things I don`t know. I vaguely recall my copy of a book called `The
Secret Life Of Plants` saying that plants actually like classical music. Is it
the volume or the lyrics that make a difference? And is playing any music at all
really significant when that rose or that tobacco for your loved one is going
to end up with a very short life anyway?
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