MIKE HALLOWELL: The Gold-bearing haddock

On May 27 1856 a woman sat near a location known as Comical Corner in South Shields. Naturally this caused considerable outrage, for in Geordieland women are not allowed to sit down, but instead are supposed to busy themselves with tasks such as the polishing of coal and the repairing of long johns. In this case, however, the lady in question was spared the customary horrific punishment – banishment to Sunderland – because she was found to be gutting a haddock for her husband's supper. Her industriousness saved her neck.

Now as she removed the intestines of the fish – which, traditionally, are kept and used in the ancient Geordie divination technique called filletomancy – a truly curious thing occurred. A glint caught her eye (she only had the one) and there, nestling in the innards of the haddock, were two golden earrings.

Oh, I know, we've all heard these stories before, about people who cut open fish and find everything from mobile phones to false limbs inside them. Fish swallows stuff, person guts fish and find stuff; its no big deal, really. But how the hell did the haddock in question manage to swallow two golden earrings? Were they joined together for safekeeping? If not, how did the fish manage to swallow two earrings at once? Surely, as soon as they entered the water they would have separated. Unless, of course, both fell to the sea bed and were found and devoured by the same fish.

This must definitely be the Fortean equivalent of “Buy One Get One Free!”

I fancied tracking down the woman and interviewing her, but more than one colleague has suggested that as the incident occurred in 1856 the fishwife in question is unlikely to be alive. They're probably right, as the life expectation of Geordie women is 26, or 14,000 pasties, whichever comes first.

The local paper, The Shields Gazette, covered the story but the earrings were never claimed.