RONAN COGHLAN: Werecats and Weredogs

Well, now that I've started this blogging business, I will be hard to stop. I've forgotten my Google password, so I can't add comments to others' blogs, but congratulations to Shosh. Now that she's a vet, I have these sundry symptoms which are beyond the power of human medicine to diagnose, but maybe they are animal symptoms and she can advise me what to do. I shall be sending her a set of bottled samples to analyse soon.

I am devoting Thought at present to the Big Cat Problem. I feel there is an element present that most cryptozoologists have missed. Has the possibility that they are were-cats struck anyone? If so, they can be hunted down easily. For your own protection, procure a gun with silver bullets. Obtain a large can of Jellymeat Whiskas. Enlist the services of a were-dog. These may be obtained at www.fido.com. A large puma or black panther-sized sack completes the equipment. If the big cats are were-cats, all should be well. Just in case they're not, but are mysterious creatures impervious to dog and bullet, they may respond to your efforts with a certain ferocity. To be on the safe side, take out Funeral Insurance.

I am tired of Political Correctness. I have a diatribe against that to spew forth shortly, but not tonight. It is past my bedtime - eight o'clock. I adhere to a strict regimen, which involves sleeping for the greater portion of the time. If you're in bed, They can't get you. Not that I'm paranoid; but, if I keep my eyes tight shut, They can't tell I'm awake when They look through the window. I dare not draw the curtains - They would then know that I know they're there.

Go n-eiridh an mbothar libh,

Ronan.