Half a century ago, Belgian Zoologist Bernard Heuvelmans first codified cryptozoology in his book On the Track of Unknown Animals.

The Centre for Fortean Zoology (CFZ) are still on the track, and have been since 1992. But as if chasing unknown animals wasn't enough, we are involved in education, conservation, and good old-fashioned natural history! We already have three journals, the largest cryptozoological publishing house in the world, CFZtv, and the largest cryptozoological conference in the English-speaking world, but in January 2009 someone suggested that we started a daily online magazine! The CFZ bloggo is a collaborative effort by a coalition of members, friends, and supporters of the CFZ, and covers all the subjects with which we deal, with a smattering of music, high strangeness and surreal humour to make up the mix.

It is edited by CFZ Director Jon Downes, and subbed by the lovely Lizzy Bitakara'mire (formerly Clancy), scourge of improper syntax. The daily newsblog is edited by Corinna Downes, head administratrix of the CFZ, and the indexing is done by Lee Canty and Kathy Imbriani. There is regular news from the CFZ Mystery Cat study group, and regular fortean bird news from 'The Watcher of the Skies'. Regular bloggers include Dr Karl Shuker, Dale Drinnon, Richard Muirhead and Richard Freeman.The CFZ bloggo is updated daily, and there's nothing quite like it anywhere else. Come and join us...

Search This Blog



Click on this logo to find out more about helping CFZtv and getting some smashing rewards...


Unlike some of our competitors we are not going to try and blackmail you into donating by saying that we won't continue if you don't. That would just be vulgar, but our lives, and those of the animals which we look after, would be a damn sight easier if we receive more donations to our fighting fund. Donate via Paypal today...

Saturday, October 31, 2009

GAVIN HUGHES: Generic Slasher Movie

It is always nice to introduce a new bloggo contributor.

Gavin Hughes is Shosh’s fiancée (and therefore Jon's future stepson-in-law) and is 32 years old. He is a Service Analyst and his interests include playing guitar, tinkering around on computers, listening to and making music and anything to do with Ford Sierras. He dislikes coffee, artichokes and dieting.

Does anyone fancy a good old slasher movie? Here you are… some parts have been censored for the benefit of family readers.

As usual, the sexy teens get together during Spring Break in Colorado to visit their uncle’s log cabin in the woods. Brett, the cool surfer dude whom all the girls swoon over, offers to drive them all - as long as the rest of them supply the copious amounts of beer required to get them through the weekend. The log cabin is situated at the end of a single road into the mountains, far away from the nearest town (Hallows Hill) so they don’t need to fear disturbing anyone else while they party! The log cabin is situated on the edge of the lake in the heart of the forest and is very picturesque in the daytime.

Brett and Billy had brought along their shiny orange girlfriends Madison and Taylor (yes, those are names for girls in American films). Billy, immediately upon arriving, begins to scare them with the old ghost stories of ‘Mad Dog’ McDougan, the janitor who used to work at the old High School in Hallows Hill. As the highly original story goes, McDougan murdered all the students and allegedly died in the fire of 1932, but his body was never found!

As the night progresses Billy disappears to get more drinks from the fridge outside, and after 15 minutes Taylor is wondering where he has got to. They listen…but all they can hear is the whistling of the trees and the howling of the wind. They cautiously step outside and start to call Billy’s name. Noticing the door to the old barn is open they creep over noisily. Just as they open the door Billy jumps out and scares them in a hilarious fashion, and Taylor says, “Don’t do that Billy; you are an idiot! We certainly won’t fall for that again….”

They go to bed. Madison and Taylor are sharing the only bedroom and Brett and Billy are in the front room. Madison and Taylor are discussing Billy’s story of the janitor and Madison is scared it might be true, but Taylor tells her there are no such things as ghosts and they laugh heartily and fall asleep.

In the night there is a knocking sound on the wall that wakes Madison. She is scared and wakes Taylor and Taylor says, “Oh it’s only Billy messing around again…” Madison shouts, “Billy stop messing around again!” and the banging stops. There is a pause….then it bangs louder on the window this time. Madison expresses squeaky annoyance and yells, “That’s it Billy, I’m going to get you now”, opens the door and runs outside. Taylor follows but can’t see Madison in the darkness.

Taylor hears Madison call, “Billy?” in the distance and then hears her scream. Taylor rushes over and sees a figure over Madison and says, “Oh Billy, what have you done, you fool?” He turns and Taylor sees his face and it is not Billy…..it is (predictably) “MAD DOG” McDOUGAN! He steps forward and stabs her too.

Meanwhile, in the other room, Brett was woken by Taylor yelling. He staggers to his feet a bit worse for wear after all the beer he has drunk. He stumbles towards the front door only to hear Madison scream! Billy jumps up with a shock and says, “What the dickens was that?” Brett pulls the curtain and peers through the window just as the janitor stabs Taylor. Brett lets go of the curtain and says, “Oh fudge!” He looks around the room, and grabs the compulsory old hunting rifle off the wall as Billy says, “What? What did you see?”

Brett moves towards the door, puts one hand on the handle and turns to Billy. He says, in a not very evocative voice, “Wait here…” As he opens the door he sees Billy’s face has gone white. He turns back to the doorway and ‘Mad Dog’ is standing right there and stabs him.

Billy panics and yells, “Argh! What do you want?”

He stumbles backwards and reaches for his mobile phone, but his hand accidently lands on his iPod instead and the speakers blare into life, filling the room with Nick Van Eede’s searing vocals, as his band Cutting Crew told of the perils of love and death with their 1986 hit ‘I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight’.

In the confusion Billy runs out the room, through the bedroom and out the back door. Heading straight for Brett’s pickup (it’s always a pickup), he fumbles to find the right key for the lock. Mad Dog stumbles out of the door, pauses to allow enough time for Billy to fall over a couple of times, and then heads towards him. Billy manages to get into the vehicle and locks the door just as Mad Dog starts banging on the window. Billy frantically turns the key but the engine won’t start, although it was fine at the start of the movie. Mad Dog turns and walks off. Billy is confused, but continues to try to get the truck to start. Suddenly, Billy hears the revving of an engine and then sees headlights as a slightly bigger pickup truck rolls into view behind him. As he looks in the mirror, he sees Mad Dog in the driver’s seat. The bigger truck starts to push the pickup towards the lake and Billy screams. Rather than open the door and get out, Billy rather prefers to scream and shout “Noooooooooooo!” for a couple of minutes while the truck slowly pushes the pickup towards the lake. The car plummets down the down the bank and into the water. Mad Dog is seen walking off back into the dark woods carrying Billy’s iPod, the speakers dragging in the mud behind him. While Paul Weller belts out his 1993 hit ‘Wild Wood’….

That was it for the students and ‘Mad Dog’ will now disappear back into the woods, until … the first of the fourteen incredibly similar sequels.

No comments: